Joe Dirt review

Chris:
Hello humans,  monsters and loyal Walkenized minions.   It is i,  your cowbell-crazed bloodthirsty host -  Chris the alpha Walken.

It’s been quite the while since I,   Chris -  have reviewed a Walken movie to continue on the Walken a-thon hasn’t it...well of course it has.  I've been a very busy Walken recently but i've still been keeping in touch with my Walkenized minions and making new Walkens out of my faithful human readers.

Last time I took a look at Trance,  The Comfort Of Strangers and the King Of New York.  All three of which were great movies with Walken in them.

Now the Walken-A-Thon will continue with my review of the latest Walken flick I watched, the 2001 comedy Joe Dirt.

This is the third Happy Madison production that has been reviewed thus far,   in my earlier installment I already reviewed Click..well back when I was a human that is, and my human form Nathan reviewed Bedtime Stories.

I also hear that he plans on reviewing Little Nicky sometime,  which I might tell Staten about  -  he might be interested in a collab.  It would be right up his alley.

Anyway...this comedy stars David Spade as an oil weller named Joe “Joe Dirt” Nunnamaker,  and his journey to find out what happened to his parents.   It is a series of interesting and humorous flashbacks that plays out like a story.

We also get to know about the people he encountered along the way such as Robby the main antagonist of this movie,   Brandy -  Joe’s friend and love interest and many more including the janitor of the local school.

The janitor is of course played by the wonderful Walkenly Chris Walken,  giving in my opinion one of the best Walken performances I have ever watched.   There’s a backstory behind him as well,  he used to be a gangster by the name of Anthony Benedetti but after the loss of his wife he was put under witness protection and changed his name to Clem Doore,  hench why he is now the janitor.

Fun fact:  The other name he goes by is Gert B. Frobe,  which if you know your James Bond villains - is the alternate name of actor Karl Gerhart Fröb,  who played Goldfinger in the movie of the same name.    Which coincidentally is the same Bond movie that more than a few critics felt that A View To A Kill was trying to be a copy of.

Also...Walken’s wife in Wedding Crashers was played by Jane Seymour,  who was a Bond girl.

He has one of the best lines ever in this movie when he threatens a fire extinguisher by saying this: “You’re talking to me all wrong,  it’s the wrong tone...do it again,  i’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron”.

The funny thing is that in my current Walkeny state,  i’ve ALWAYS had the urge to say that but back when I was a human I was trying to suppress those Walken-like urges in fear that if I give in to them,  i’ll lose control and become more Walken than human.   Well I was silly for doing that,  why would a Walken like me want to suppress something which is completely natural?

This movie is so funny but critics did not like this movie,  I on the other hand did and of course the Nostalgia Critic put the afforementioned Walken scene in his Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Moments video.

Btw...you must see that video if you haven’t already,  it’s full of Walkeny goodness.  Not to mention Rob Walker does a damn good Walken impression.

This movie is perfect for you if you like comedies,  simple but entertaining storylines and of course if you love Christopher Walken.    Check it out if you haven’t done that.

I give it 10 of 10 and give it two clawed Walken-like thumbs up and a Walken seal of approval along with a gold cowbell.

I’m Chris the alpha Walken and this has been my review of the movie Joe Dirt,  stay tuned for more Walkenly reviews later on.

For now…..I want you all to look into my eyes and relax,  you are falling into a trance...a trance that is soothing and relax.    Forget about any complaints and nitpicks you may have had about these reviews,  and simply relax.    Forget everything else around you,  focus only on me,  good...I want you to relax and surrender your will.

You have no will,  you will do whatever I command you to,  you are my obedient minion,  whatever I say to you,  you will love.   You are about to be converted into a Walken,  and you love the idea of being a Walken.

Becoming a Walken is nice,  it’s relaxing,  it’s beautiful,  and you shall be beautiful too - sooo-soooo- Walkeny.   You have the desire to hunt,  growl and roar and sing and dance,  you want to please me,  it is the only thing that is on your mind.     You want cowbell don’t you?  Of course you do,  all Waaalkens love cowbell.    Tink, tink tink.

You will all serve me from now on as Walkens,   isn’t that nice?   Of course it is.  You all looove it!  It’s good...let’s all be Walkeny!

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