Werebelushi Rants: TV

Werebelushi:
Hello once again, I'm That Werebelushi In The Shades and welcome to another rendition of Werebelushi Rants.

Tonight's rant is on the subject of television and the state it is in these days and I will be discussing the following subjects: Disney Channel, Nickeleodeon, Reality shows, and MTV.

Remember when Disney Channel used to be AWESOME? And had shows like Gargoyles, Pepper Ann, Recess, Mighty Ducks, The Replacements, Ducktales, Dave the Barbarian, Lloyd in Space, Kim Possible, Lilo and Stitch the series, and even shows like So Weird? I sure as hell do.

And Playhouse Disney's programming was fantastic as well especially with Bear In The Big Blue House, Rolie Polie Ollie, Sing Me A Story With Belle and PB and J Otter.

Now it's nothing like that, it's all teen sitcoms and I agree with Benthelooney. But there is one golden spark of light over in this dank hole of a channel and it's Phineas and Ferb.

Seriously what IS with all these teen sitcoms anyway? They aren't clever or funny and overruse that stupid fake laugh track.

I know the laugh track has been a staple of sitcoms and shows like SNL since the late 50's but the way it's used today is just plain annoying, and you know it's fake - even when something isn't funny it's being used.

Take this scenario for example:

"(A teacher is teaching a high school class about a very important topic)

Teacher:
And that students is how you learn to accept responsiblity. Any questions?
Student:
Huh? What was that?
Teacher:
I was teaching you how to be responsible, weren't you listening?
Student:
Uhh....noooo...sorry Mr Mcboring I was taking a nap. *laugh track*")

See? That's what I mean. It's like the show knows it is not funny in the slightest and is telling us at which moments to laugh or to go "Oooh!" or "Woooo!" "Aaaww.." at.

I don't have a problem with sitcoms, in fact some of my favorite shows are sitcoms - like Blackadder, Kenan and Kel, Mr Bean, The Thin Blue Line, Home Improvement, The Munsters, Soul Man, Absolutely Fabulous, Sabrina, and even Drake and Josh. But unlike the ones of today, these afforementioned ones are actually clever and have good writing.

Speaking of sitcoms, there's one that i'm surprised hasn't gotten cancelled yet: According To Jim. How has it not been cancelled? It's so bad no one watches it. Jim Belushi is no t his brother John and he never will be. He's a shame to the Belushi name.

Disney Channel sitcoms on the other hand aren't, not even in the slightest little bit. One sitcom that has been over-exposed to no end is Hannah Montana.

I'm serious, there's so much merchandise based on THAT show that you could practically just drown in piles of it.

There's Hannah Montana t-shirts, Hannah Montana books, Hannah Montana CDs, a Hannah Montana movie, Hannah Montana dolls, Hannah Montana halloween costumes, Hannah Montana food items (wish I wasn't making that up), and even Hannah Montana band-aids.

I know kids like it because it's popular but that's no excuse for it to be the over-exposed piece of crap that it is.

Also the show in general is stupid especially the fact that no one can figure out that Hannah Montana is really Miley and vice versa. I mean come in..it's just Miley in a blond wig! How hard is it for you to figure that out?

Now on other shows about characters with duel identities or an alter-ego such as superhero shows this is actually cleverly done and written well.

For example Big Wolf On Campus. The only people in Pleasantvile who knew Tommy was a werewolf was Merton during the first season and Lori during the second and third season. That's why he always had trouble when trying to get a date with Stacy, because everytime it happened - he would be so close to it but someone get wolfed out and have to run away.

Although there is one good live action Disney Channel show I love and that's H20: Just Add Water, even though it's sadly not on anymore I thought it was a fascinating show and an interesting take on mermaids.

Also.....the so called 'original' movies Disney Channel has to offer aren't original in the least, most of them tend to borrow plots from other and much better movies.
the High School Musical trilogy is a huge example of this, it's basically Grease with Zac Effron instead of John Travolta and Vanessa Hudgens in the place of Olivia Newton John and without the singing and dancing talent.

The three I know of which are kinda good are Luck Of The Irish, Max Keeble's Big Move and Thirteenth Year as well as Hocus Pocus and the Halloweentown series.

Luck Of The Irish is kinda like a mix of Teen Wolf and fantasy movies like Ladyhawke and Labyrinth.

The Thirteenth Year is a lot like Splash and that is in a good way, the Halloweentown series and Hocus Pocus are halloween classics and Max Keeble is well...Max Keeble.

What the hell is it with these Disney teen stars who also are singers in addition to being actors even though they have little to no talent whatsoever? The fans of Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers are flat out insane sometimes.

Nickelodeon has unfortunately slipped into the same level as Disney Channel with the exception of the following shows: Power Rangers Samurai, Kung Fu Panda: Legends Of Awesomeness, Penguins of Madagascar and Tuff Puppy.

And also another problem with Nickelodeon is that it's two most popular programs are also unfortunately over-exposed.

Of course i'm talking about ICarly and Spongebob. I'm serious, there's practically almost more than a few days where all they do is show a marathon of these two programs.

Nickelodeon treats Spongebob like it's their own golden child and savior, and it's had numerous specials and merchandise.

Is it me or have the episodes gotten more and more....surreal over the past few years? I am really serious here, Spongebob started getting really weird during the post-movie era.

It's gotten more messed up and more sick than an episode of Tales From The Crypt.

Nickeleodeon shows used to be awesome back in the day, and I don't need to list all the shows because you know them already.

That seems to be the problem with a lot of cartoons these days, they tend to border on the insane/surreal side and tend to be really messed up.

I have no problem with Regular Show, Flapjack, Chowder, Adventure Time and Courage The Cowardly Dog because those shows are/were extremely fun in their own twisted sort of way - same with Ren and Stimpy.

I do like Family Guy and South Park along with Robot Chicken, as well as my most recent favorite show Mary Shelley's Frankenhole (any show that makes fun of John Belushi's stupid brother Jim Belushi is good in my opinion).

Also...it seems that they'll make a cartoon out of anything these days, even internet sensations - there was recently an Annoying Orange tv show. I'm serious, Cartoon Network DID air a show about the Annoying Orange.

The Annoying Orange? Oh that's just great. First Nickelodeon makes a Fred show and two Fred movies - now THIS?

Why not make a tv show out of the BAAAW Bunny Guy or the U Mad Guy while you're at it and what about giving the facepalm meme it's own show? Oh that's right, the facepalm already HAD it's own show - Star Trek: The Next Generation. Curse you Patrick Stewart for starting that meme, curse you!


One of the few really good cartoons is of course MLP: Friendship Is Magic which i've really started getting into. Again...I thank my gargoyle companion Staten for introducing me to that show.

Reality shows have gone down the drain as well, especially American Idol - ever since Simon and Paula left - it hasn't been the same.

I know both of them are working in the US version of the X-Factor as of recently and Simon's done both the UK and US versions of Idol and the X-Factor as well as Britain's Got Talent.

And speaking of reality shows how about them Survivor copy-cats and those Biggest Loser clones? Talk about no variety.

Although the show Face-Off is pretty impressive especially seeing the Makeup transformations the contestants go through.

The worst offender of all: Jersey Shore. Ugh. Words cannot describe how much I LOATHE this show. It's completely pointless.

That's all that MTV has become, no music videos or anything just all dumb non music related programs and Jersey Shore.

Well at least they're bringing back Beavis and Butthead, and hopefully that will be good - that is if they don't screw it up.

Speaking of rebooting - they did a Teen Wolf show as well, which to me seems to be trying too hard to be thee next Buffy/Angel or Big Wolf On Campus. We already have Vampire Diaries and Being Human, we didn't need a revival of Teen Wolf.

Also I can think of a few other shows that could be brought back instead: Tales From The Crypt, Big Bad Beetleborgs, Big Wolf On Campus, Jack Of All Trades, Brisco County Jr, So Weird...the list goes on and on.

There's one cartoon revival which I have a deep personal beef with - the 2006 revival of Biker Mice From Mars, while the original voice actors are back the character designs have changed and not in a good way.

They made the Biker Mice themselves skinny and even made Limburger thin in one episode - but that was just because of the girdle he was wearing in that episode.

Also the new villains are a bit cliche - the villains in question are the Catatonians - a race of feline aliens. Get it? It's because cats chase mice and they're enemies? And then there's Ronaldo Rump...

Ronaldo Rump is a Donald Trump parody with a large butt and an accent that makes him sound like he's trying to be Ricardo Montalban.

The TMNT revival on the other hand was very sucessful and clever, with rather intriguing story-arcs and takes on the backstory of the turtles and Master Splinter.

Revivals can be good and can work if done well but other times it just flat out falls flat and fails.

Same goes for when they try to make a show from a country like England and try to Americanize it - occassionally you'll get something like the Office, but other times - you'll be better off with the original versions.


Television has just been getting stupider and stupider these days, even commercials are being affected by this.

If tv is going to keep on being like this, then I don't think that anything good is come of it. It's not easy for me to say how I feel about this but if this continues...I have only one response..and that is....

Otho Fenlock:
Ugh. Deliver me from LL Bean.

Thank you for your input, Otho.

This has been That Werebelushi In The Shades and this has been another werebelushi rant, now if you excuse me....i've got to go and straighten some of these tv executives out.