Werebelushi rants: Remakes
Werebelushi:
Hello one and all, this is That Werebelushi In The Shades and welcome to another rendition of Werebelushi Rants.
I did two movie related rants in the past, one on sequels and one on movies of today in general but i'm here to rant on remakes and movies based on cartoons and video games.
I already mentioned how Hollywood is running out of ideas and this is one of the many reasons why - remakes - so many damn remakes.
For the past several decades there have been remakes of almost every old movie you can think of - except for ones like Blues Brothers, The Godfather and the likes.
You want an example of a remake done right? Look no further than the 1986 remake of The Fly. And what about the Thing?
The Nightmare On Elm Street remake on the other hand, oh boy....did that movie blow chunks. Not only was it a disgrace to the legacy of Freddy but it wasn't needed.
The original Nightmare On Elm Street was perfect as it is, sure the sequels were kinda silly but hey...don't mess with a classic.
The Halloween and Friday the 13 revamps weren't too bad but again you can't top the original.
And I loved that Mel Brooks remake of To Be Or Not To Be. It's just flat out hillarious.
But this remake thing has just gotten out of hand, I mean every second a new remake is being said to be in the works.
Speaking of remakes of 80's or 90's movies, how about that Arthur remake with Russell Brand? I have nothing against Russell, i'm just saying that the movie didn't do and tanked at the box office.
Actually according to Judith Belushi-Piscano, the original was supposed to have John Belushi in it but good ol John Belushi turned the role down because he didn't want to be typecast as the "Bluto from Animal House" type role.
Now I hear that Russell is going to be in a remake of Drop Dead Fred, you know that 90's comedy with Rik Mayall playing an imaginary friend that causes trouble.
Said imaginary friend is also according to the Nostalgia Critic a member of the "Annoying Fast-Talking-Supernatural-Dick-Club" along with other wisecracking supernatural beings like Beetlejuice, Genie, and Maurice from Little Monsters as well as The Cat from the unfortunately infamously bad Cat In The Hat movie.
I myself happen to be a member of that club as well but we don't call ourselves that, it's more on the lines of the "Fast-Talking-Supernatural-Prankster-Society." And those afforementioned fellow members are some of my closest friends.
Now I hear that this remake is supposed to be like Beetlejuice. So let me guess...Russell Brand's version of Fred is going to be like an even crazier Beetlejuice! So I guess that would make him....Russell-Juice?
I have no problems with Russell Brand or his brand of comedy (no pun-attended) but I just frankly just don't think this movie needs to be remade at all.
Russell Brand is ALREADY like Beetlejuice in terms of his behavior, he doesn't need to play a Beetlejuice type role - he is ALREADY like BJ to begin with.
His name pops up so many times, you might as well think that saying his name 3 times or more will summon him. Hey, it worked with Beetlejuice, Bloody Mary, Biggie Smalls, and Candyman! So why not?...Russell Brand, Russell Brand, Russell Brand!
*Russell Brand appears, he looks confused*
(Russell:
Where the bloody hell am I?)
What the hell? You're not BJ! who the hell are you?
(Russell:
Who the hell am I? I'm Russell!)
Nope...haven't heard of you. Oh wait...you're Russell Brand aren't ya?
(Russell:
Yes.)
Sorry....but I don't remember summoning you.
(Russell:
But you said my name!)
Oh so all of a sudden you're like Beetlejuice, huh?)
(Russell:
*nods, gives a mischevious grin*)
So if I say your name again will you leave?
(Russell:
Ummm...maybe, i'm not sure.)
Russell Brand, Russell Brand, Russell Brand!
*Russell Brand disappears, then reappears as a tiny version of himself in a model town*
(Russell *now extremely tiny*:
Hey! That's no bloody fair!)
Anyway....back to my rant..it turns out I was actually right about movie companies running out of ideas and remakes are just one of the many reasons why.
Then there's movies based off animated tv shows and ones based off video games. Case in point: Uwe Bowe.
Movies based off cartoons and other tv shows have varied effects, on occassion you get a gem like the three SNL based movies Blues Brothers, Coneheads and Waynes World - other times you get flops like It's Pat, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas and Marmaduke.
Now if you're expecting me to rant on Tim Burton and on Planet of The Apes, Alice In Wonderland or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - then i'm afraid that's out of the question because well...I respect Burton as a director and producer - he is a truly unique person and artist. Seriously, read The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories - you'll be going all teary eyed once you've read some of the poems.
I'm not going to rant on Dark Shadows because I haven't seen it but from what i've seen of it, it doesn't look half bad. Plus anything that has an appearance by Alice Cooper in it is awesome.
But I am going to rant on a certain vampire movie franchise and I think you'll know which one i'm talking about.
I'm of course talking about Twilight. I know i'm not the target age for it anymore but that does not stop me from ranting about it.
The main character Bella is such a whiny little diva, and the way her actress delievers her lines in the movie is so bland and emotionless - i've seen more lively things in a graveyard.
Speaking of which. Edward Cullen is THE most pathetic excuse for a vampire i've ever seen. He's not imtimidating, he's just something for females to go all goo-goo- over! He's no vampire, he's a glittering male model that's pretending to be one.
And since when do all vampires have to be good looking? Back in the old days vampires and the like were supposed to SCARE people not make them fall in love, sure there's been quite a few charismatic vampires like Dracula and Jerry Dandridge from the original 1985 Fright Night as well as good guy vampires like Angel in the Buffyverse.
But most of the time vampires are supposed to be evil or scary - or sometimes both. Unless they are vampiresses, those are evil AND seductive.
And can we talk about Jacob? First of all he's shirtless most of the entire time. And he's supposed to be our 'werewolf'? So much for being a werewolf, more like giant overgrown dog that has been crossbred with a chia pet! That's no werewolf - that's a Weredog!
When your so called 'werewolf' or 'whatever-the-hell-wereanimal-they're-supposed-to-be' makes something like a werejohncandy, werekoala, wereStallone or even a Werebelushi like ME look legit by comparison, then you - Stephanie Myer, fail as a writer!
I actually agree with Stephen King and what he said about Twilight. Thank goodness the series is coming to an end.
And speaking of vampires how about the Fright Night remake? Specifically what they did to Peter Vincent, i'm seriously they turned him into this magician type who when in makeup and that wig looks like he's the bastard offspring of Russell Brand, Shang Tsung, and the Undertaker from the WWE.
I'm seriously, with that wig and that eye-makeup and the facial hair, he LOOKS like Russell Brand crossed with Shang Tsung and the Undertaker, and he even ACTS like him as welll.
I heard that Russell was considered for this part but they went with David Tennenant instead. Now i'm not a Dr Who fan or anything but I just don't feel that this movie was good for his career or not considering how much it tanked.
So to conclude I'd just like to make one final statement: Hollywood needs to stop scraping at the bottom of the barrell and think of something that is NOT a sequel or a remake for once.
I'm That Werebelushi In The Shades and this has been another Werebelushi rant, now if you excuse me i'm going to go and do something before someone makes That Werebelushi In The Shades: The Movie.
Hello one and all, this is That Werebelushi In The Shades and welcome to another rendition of Werebelushi Rants.
I did two movie related rants in the past, one on sequels and one on movies of today in general but i'm here to rant on remakes and movies based on cartoons and video games.
I already mentioned how Hollywood is running out of ideas and this is one of the many reasons why - remakes - so many damn remakes.
For the past several decades there have been remakes of almost every old movie you can think of - except for ones like Blues Brothers, The Godfather and the likes.
You want an example of a remake done right? Look no further than the 1986 remake of The Fly. And what about the Thing?
The Nightmare On Elm Street remake on the other hand, oh boy....did that movie blow chunks. Not only was it a disgrace to the legacy of Freddy but it wasn't needed.
The original Nightmare On Elm Street was perfect as it is, sure the sequels were kinda silly but hey...don't mess with a classic.
The Halloween and Friday the 13 revamps weren't too bad but again you can't top the original.
And I loved that Mel Brooks remake of To Be Or Not To Be. It's just flat out hillarious.
But this remake thing has just gotten out of hand, I mean every second a new remake is being said to be in the works.
Speaking of remakes of 80's or 90's movies, how about that Arthur remake with Russell Brand? I have nothing against Russell, i'm just saying that the movie didn't do and tanked at the box office.
Actually according to Judith Belushi-Piscano, the original was supposed to have John Belushi in it but good ol John Belushi turned the role down because he didn't want to be typecast as the "Bluto from Animal House" type role.
Now I hear that Russell is going to be in a remake of Drop Dead Fred, you know that 90's comedy with Rik Mayall playing an imaginary friend that causes trouble.
Said imaginary friend is also according to the Nostalgia Critic a member of the "Annoying Fast-Talking-Supernatural-Dick-Club" along with other wisecracking supernatural beings like Beetlejuice, Genie, and Maurice from Little Monsters as well as The Cat from the unfortunately infamously bad Cat In The Hat movie.
I myself happen to be a member of that club as well but we don't call ourselves that, it's more on the lines of the "Fast-Talking-Supernatural-Prankster-Society." And those afforementioned fellow members are some of my closest friends.
Now I hear that this remake is supposed to be like Beetlejuice. So let me guess...Russell Brand's version of Fred is going to be like an even crazier Beetlejuice! So I guess that would make him....Russell-Juice?
I have no problems with Russell Brand or his brand of comedy (no pun-attended) but I just frankly just don't think this movie needs to be remade at all.
Russell Brand is ALREADY like Beetlejuice in terms of his behavior, he doesn't need to play a Beetlejuice type role - he is ALREADY like BJ to begin with.
His name pops up so many times, you might as well think that saying his name 3 times or more will summon him. Hey, it worked with Beetlejuice, Bloody Mary, Biggie Smalls, and Candyman! So why not?...Russell Brand, Russell Brand, Russell Brand!
*Russell Brand appears, he looks confused*
(Russell:
Where the bloody hell am I?)
What the hell? You're not BJ! who the hell are you?
(Russell:
Who the hell am I? I'm Russell!)
Nope...haven't heard of you. Oh wait...you're Russell Brand aren't ya?
(Russell:
Yes.)
Sorry....but I don't remember summoning you.
(Russell:
But you said my name!)
Oh so all of a sudden you're like Beetlejuice, huh?)
(Russell:
*nods, gives a mischevious grin*)
So if I say your name again will you leave?
(Russell:
Ummm...maybe, i'm not sure.)
Russell Brand, Russell Brand, Russell Brand!
*Russell Brand disappears, then reappears as a tiny version of himself in a model town*
(Russell *now extremely tiny*:
Hey! That's no bloody fair!)
Anyway....back to my rant..it turns out I was actually right about movie companies running out of ideas and remakes are just one of the many reasons why.
Then there's movies based off animated tv shows and ones based off video games. Case in point: Uwe Bowe.
Movies based off cartoons and other tv shows have varied effects, on occassion you get a gem like the three SNL based movies Blues Brothers, Coneheads and Waynes World - other times you get flops like It's Pat, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas and Marmaduke.
Now if you're expecting me to rant on Tim Burton and on Planet of The Apes, Alice In Wonderland or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - then i'm afraid that's out of the question because well...I respect Burton as a director and producer - he is a truly unique person and artist. Seriously, read The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories - you'll be going all teary eyed once you've read some of the poems.
I'm not going to rant on Dark Shadows because I haven't seen it but from what i've seen of it, it doesn't look half bad. Plus anything that has an appearance by Alice Cooper in it is awesome.
But I am going to rant on a certain vampire movie franchise and I think you'll know which one i'm talking about.
I'm of course talking about Twilight. I know i'm not the target age for it anymore but that does not stop me from ranting about it.
The main character Bella is such a whiny little diva, and the way her actress delievers her lines in the movie is so bland and emotionless - i've seen more lively things in a graveyard.
Speaking of which. Edward Cullen is THE most pathetic excuse for a vampire i've ever seen. He's not imtimidating, he's just something for females to go all goo-goo- over! He's no vampire, he's a glittering male model that's pretending to be one.
And since when do all vampires have to be good looking? Back in the old days vampires and the like were supposed to SCARE people not make them fall in love, sure there's been quite a few charismatic vampires like Dracula and Jerry Dandridge from the original 1985 Fright Night as well as good guy vampires like Angel in the Buffyverse.
But most of the time vampires are supposed to be evil or scary - or sometimes both. Unless they are vampiresses, those are evil AND seductive.
And can we talk about Jacob? First of all he's shirtless most of the entire time. And he's supposed to be our 'werewolf'? So much for being a werewolf, more like giant overgrown dog that has been crossbred with a chia pet! That's no werewolf - that's a Weredog!
When your so called 'werewolf' or 'whatever-the-hell-wereanimal-they're-supposed-to-be' makes something like a werejohncandy, werekoala, wereStallone or even a Werebelushi like ME look legit by comparison, then you - Stephanie Myer, fail as a writer!
I actually agree with Stephen King and what he said about Twilight. Thank goodness the series is coming to an end.
And speaking of vampires how about the Fright Night remake? Specifically what they did to Peter Vincent, i'm seriously they turned him into this magician type who when in makeup and that wig looks like he's the bastard offspring of Russell Brand, Shang Tsung, and the Undertaker from the WWE.
I'm seriously, with that wig and that eye-makeup and the facial hair, he LOOKS like Russell Brand crossed with Shang Tsung and the Undertaker, and he even ACTS like him as welll.
I heard that Russell was considered for this part but they went with David Tennenant instead. Now i'm not a Dr Who fan or anything but I just don't feel that this movie was good for his career or not considering how much it tanked.
So to conclude I'd just like to make one final statement: Hollywood needs to stop scraping at the bottom of the barrell and think of something that is NOT a sequel or a remake for once.
I'm That Werebelushi In The Shades and this has been another Werebelushi rant, now if you excuse me i'm going to go and do something before someone makes That Werebelushi In The Shades: The Movie.
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