WB Presents: Ugly Truth.

Werebelushi:
Hello everyone and welcome to a very special episode of Werebelushi rants,  in which in this episode I will be doing a segment called 'The Hideous Truth'.   And what better franchise to use for this than Skylanders?  Now please don't be offended when I say this but...I don't get the appealing of these stinking things at all,   I know kids and stupid collectors like these little figurines but I don't,  especially since...it's time for the hideous truth...they're nothing but wastes of time and they do NOTHING.   Yeah,  you can play as them in the game but once you realize that the whole gimmick of the games is to sell toys,  then yeeeah, you've just wasted valuable money on toys that are essentially useless and playing as the characters they represent in the game doesn't change much.  Before you ask,  this is opinion based so please stop crying.

And it really is a cheap gimmick,  so you're telling me that in order to fully play the games as a whole i'd pretty much need the entire set of existing characters?  That sounds cheap to me and scummy,  especially considering that is what Activision is doing,  yeah -  this is their cash cow franchise that is already probably running out of steam but they insist on making more of those things because 'they've got to have..money'.   Sorry,  but all those Skylander figures you collected are just evidence that you fell for a scam to get more money and a scam to bleed you dry,  you  have been bamboozled,  fooled,  and conned.

Activision played you and everyone else who collected those figures like an instrument. Yes, they played the stinking kids like a harp from hell!  Oh and by the way...adding more characters doesn't even do anything!  It just gives you a character to play as and nothing more,  you don't get any new modifications to the gameplay or anything like that.

The hideous truth is that the figures are worthless and are useless in the long run and to collect the whole set costs you 500$.   Five hundred dollars for those things?  Forget it,  I would rather use that money for doing something that DOESN'T make a money obsessed company's pockets fill up with the sound of ka-ching.   And what do you get from even getting them all?   Well...take it away Kuni!

(Kuni:
NOTHING,  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!)

Yes,   that's right...you get nothing.  Not even a 'Congratulations on collecting this entire set of crappy figures' message,  not even a certificate,  and not even an I Collected Every Single Skylanders figure and All I Got Was A Lousy T-Shirt  T shirt.  You get nothing from this while Activision gets a massive increase in terms of money.

Also the concept in general isn't that original.  I'm sorry but it just isn't.  You think Skylanders were the only toyline to introduce the toys to life genre?   WRONG!  There were OTHER toylines that did it before.  Tamagotchi did it with Tamagotchi V.3 and V.4,   Webkinz did it, Mushabellies did and Beanie Babies 2.0 did it.   And guess what?  Those were still at least a bit more useful than Skylanders.  Because at least you could register those on a website.  Skylanders have no purpose or reason to exist apart from to sell toys and that's it.

And before you retort with 'but you like MLP and MLP does that too' allow me to point out that MLP was ALREADY a toyline in the 80's that was originally catered towards little girls, and the fact that there was a cartoon based off this toyline that came out in that time and throughout the 90's and 2000's doesn't change a thing.  And besides,  this was BEFORE Friendship Is Magic (which is a different incarnation since it appeals to both girls and also male fans as well).  MLP:  Friendship Is Magic is NOT like the original series.

Yeah,  there were plenty of toylines that had cartoons about them in the 80's and 90's but at least the ones like Teenage Mutant Turtles weren't just there to sell the toys since well...TMNT is a cartoon based off a comic.   Street Sharks and Biker Mice From Mars were both cartoon series before they had action figures,  as well as every other toyline based of a movie,  comic,  or tv show.  

Skylanders only exists to get kids to bug their parents into buying more toys.  And by that they don't accomplish anything really.  And let's talk about the additions of guest characters...starting with Spyro.  Uhhh...why?  Because apparently Activision (being the idiotic lugnauts that they are) wanted to appeal to fans.  That's your way of appealing to fans?   Putting Spyro in there?  I'm sorry but that's not a Spyro game,  that's just the Skylanders Show featuring Spyro,  and no...adding his name to the title doesn't make it right either.    He is nothing more than a glorified cameo.

I think Bowser and Donkey Kong deserve better than to be wasted in this franchise. Heck, why would we even need to have them in the Skylander games when there's a perfectly good set of Amibos of them just sitting around?   I just think that Activision and Nintendo made a bet and that Nintendo lost and as such had no choice to put the characters in there just to please the former.  And about Crash,  yeeeeah...I have nothing against him being in these games but...at least there was a purpose behind it,  and that purpose was to help with the remastered version of the original trilogy.

Well...thank Gozer that Spyro is finally getting his own games back instead of being stuck in those games.    And I know Skylanders isn't part of the Spyro franchise anyway,  but still...he's finally getting what the fans have actually been wanting.   The games in general? I can sum up towards each one like this.  Skylanders?  It's an okay game,  a bit tedious,  but still okay,  not the kind of game I would praise highly or anything but it's an okay time-waster.   Track Team?  Average,  could have been interesting but is otherwise bland.  Imaginators? Creative and interesting.  I wish the rest of the games were more like this.  Swap Force?  Probably the best out of the bunch really,  I mean the concept of basically being able to pull a Doctor Frankenstein and put different body parts to make your own creatures is an awesome one and I really wish that they stuck with this one.  Giants? Eh, average and not exactly interesting enough to be considered good,  but eh, again...an okayish time-waster but otherwise lacking.    Superchargers?  Ugh..reaally?  A racing game?  *sarcastically*  Yeah,  because a whole game that is a racing is totally an original game concept that has never been done before in any other games.  *cough*  Mario Kart *cough* assorted other racing format games based off movies or cartoons *cough*.

That's just proof that Skylanders is basically the equivalent of a movie franchise that just keeps on crapping out sequels that range from average to 'Oh God That's Freaking Terrible' and each sequel just keeps decreasing in quality.  I mean it probably won't be too long until they do something like 'Skylanders Go To Hell'  'Skylanders: The Final Nightmare'  'Skylanders: New Nightmare'  'Skylanders: Hellworld'  'Skylanders: Texas Blood Money' 'Skylanders: The Beginning'  'Skylanders: Ressurection'  'Skylanders Take Manhattan' 'Skylanders: The Hangman's Daughter'  'Skylanders:  In Da Hood'  'Skylanders:  In Space' 'Skylanders: Back 2 Da Hood'  'Skylanders:  Eclipse'  'Skylanders:  Blood Wars'  'Skylanders: Apocalpyse'  or even worse just a poorly made reimagining of the original game or a movie that tries to be a reboot , remake and prequel all at once.

Please Activision,  stop being money hungry bastards and close down this stupid franchise since all you care about is money,  it won't even matter.   All I am saying is that it comes down to this,  that it really won't be a big loss if the Skylanders line ends,  it would be for the best.    In addition to this,  besides...that way you can do better things with your time.

The hideous truth of the matter is that everyone who has ever bought these figures and played the games has been conned,  they have been screwed over and used.  They have been treated in a way that pretty much says 'ha ha,  we made your spend a whole lot of money on a toy that is likely going to be worthless soon'.   And guess what,  you too have been screwed.  

I'm That Werebelushi In The Shades and this has been The Hideous Truth.  Now if you excuse me i'm getting ready for the next episode which as promised will be a review of a Nights Of Alteration episode...and NO,  it is not that embarrassing alien episode that aired last week.

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