World of Monsters

Nathan: Hello one and all and welcome back to Double Walken month reviews.   Ah,  vampires,  bloodsucking,  vengeful,  charismatic creatures of the night.   That is before Stephanie Myer got her greasy mitts on them and turned them into a bunch of sparkling male model wannabes with more emotional problems than a Jerry Springer Show attendee. Throughout history there have been many takes on the vampire genre,  both in horror and in satire. With shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel being extremely popular in the 90's...and iconic characters like Drac and Nosferatu being forever remembered in our minds and hearts...vampires much like zombies,  werecreatures and the like are forever going to be a part of popular culture.    In 2012 we got Dark Shadows with Johnny Depp and the animated flick Hotel Transylvania.    In tv circles we got introduced to Marceline from the animated series Adventure Time. Today i'm looking at a va...

Monstermaster13 reviews:  Seven Psychopaths -------------------------------------- Nathan: Hello everyone,   i'm Monstermaster13 and welcome back to Double Walken month...tonight we'll be looking at one of the more recent releases in the Walken Library. The movie i'm reviewing this time round is one that I can relate to extremely well,  both as a writer and as a bloodthirsty creature of the night.     So get your axes,  chainsaws,  razor blades,   shotguns and any other weapons you humans may have lurking around the house - we're looking at Seven Psychopaths. The plot focusses around a struggling writer by the name of Marty (played by Collin Farell), he wants to make his screenplay Seven Psychopaths a reality.    But he is having trouble doing so. However he gets inspired by his friends Billy (Sam Rockwell) and Hans (Christopher Walken) who own a buisness where they kidnap dogs  and return them for a reward.   Unfortunately it ...

Nathan: Hello everyone,   i'm Monstermaster13 and welcome to another installment of Double Walken month reviews. I'm here in Gotham City for tonight's review which is of the 1992 movie Batman Returns,  now if you are a comic book fan you probably already know the history behind the iconic crime-fighter Bruce Wayne aka Batman or "The Dark Knight". In 1989 director Tim Burton brought the comic to life with Batman,  and even though people protested about Michael Keaton being cast because they only knew him for his roles in coemdies...the movie did extremely well.    And i'm going to say this...I really DO prefer Nicholson over Ledger when it comes to Joker.   I'm sorry but Ledger was a little too grizzly for my liking. And Michael Keaton is the best Batman and the Best Bruce Wayne.   I'm sorry..I just can't take Bale's Batman serious especially with that voice that makes him sound like he's doing a Stallone impression.   Val Kilmer was okay......

Monstermaster13 reviews:   The Prophecy III -------------------------------------- (The theme from the hit tv series "Angel" plays in the background) Nathan: Hello everyone and welcome back to Double Walken month... if you recall last time...I reviewed The Prophecy and the Prophecy II and now i'm reviewing the third and final movie to include Walken -  the Prophecy 3. Gabriel is back once more but unfortunately he has been turned into a human as a form of punishment for his deeds in the previous movie.     That really sucks.   Being human is so boring and not at all fun.     I mean you have to get these things called "jobs",  you have to obey "rules"  and you get old and you die,   and you're not allowed to get away with killing people....rrrr....humans suck!  I will kill the bastard who made Gabriel a human in this movie...rrrr....*his teeth lengthen and sharpen,  resembling fangs as his shirt tightens and he growls slightly*....

Monstermaster13 reviews:  The Prophecy II ---------------------------------- (The theme from the hit tv series "Angel"  plays in the background) Nathan: Hello everyone and welcome back to Double Walken Week reviews,  tonights review is the second one in the Prophecy trilogy -  the Prophecy II. Gabriel is back and this time he is trying to prevent the child of a fellow angel - the angel Daniel and a human woman (Jessica Biel)  from being born.   And like in the first one,   he'll do anything in his power to try and stop this -  which is not limited to killing more than a few humans. I'll say it's a good thing...because I can't stand humans......rrrr...they're just...rrr..irritating...rrr.   But not all humans are bad,   I mean  take Ariana for example....she's a very nice human but I wish she would live it a little. All she does is say that she doesn't want me killing humans...I'm a bloodthirsty semi-undead Hessian for pete's sake....

Nathan: Hello everyone....i'm Monstermaster13 and welcome back...to Double Walken month,  this is the sixth installment. This movie is one that impressed me with its  take on religion and its own unique take on folkloric figures.     This movie is part of a trilogy known as the Prophecy trilogy. This trilogy focuses around the war between Heaven and Earth,  and it gives a new spin on the concept of angels.     The angels here are Simon (played by Eric Stultz),  Lucifier aka the devil who was the first angel (Viggo Mortenson from the LOTR trilogy)  and Gabriel.   Gabriel is played by Christopher Walken in what I call his second most awesome performance next to the Hessian. Gabriel is rather ticked off because his boss the Almighty one favors humans,  who he calls "Talking Monkeys"  over his own kind - the angels.     And personally I don't blame him. Ugh.  Humans.   Humans suck!  They're always complaini...

Nathan: Hello everyone,   i'm Monstermaster13 and welcome to the fifth installment of Double Walken Month. Tonight's installment is going to be different for two reasons...the first being that this isn't a movie where Walken is evil.   And the second being that this is a musical. As you all know Chris was a song and dance man before he became an actor - and boy can he dance...we all know how graceful and agile he is especially after seeing the Fatboy Slim music video "Weapon of Choice". I'm currently here in Baltimore and i'm reviewing the movie Hairspray.    I'll start with a bit of a backstory. Hairspray originally started as a movie in 1988 before it got made to a stage-play...in 2007 it got remade and this is how it turned out.   The original 1988 move was made by John Waters and had Divine as Edna. If you are a Disney fan..you'd know that Divine was the inspiration behind Ursula in the Little Mermaid. So grab your dancing shoes and dance like ...

Monstermaster13 reviews: Click ----------------------------------------- Nathan: Hello everyone i'm Monstermaster13 and welcome back to Double Walken month.   The movie this time around is Click.    As you can see I am in Bed,  Bath and Beyond - and I am looking for Morty. Yes,   this is an Adam Sandler movie.    Now before you start throwing rotten fruit at me,  allow me to clarify that at times Sandler can actually be funny.    Especially if you've seen him on SNL or seen him in movies like The Waterboy. To me his best performance will always be as the voice of Dracula in Hotel Transylvania,  but this is pretty close. Adam Sandler plays a guy named Michael Newman.   *a picture of Randy Newman comes up* No.  Not him,  that's Randy Newman - he's a real person.   And no..NOT the doctor from the Mask,   and no it's NOT Newman from Seinfeld either. Anyway....Michael is an arcitect who is not doing ...

Recipment of Transformation: Nathan. (My monster world self) Effect: The effect of this curse turns him into the Hessian from Sleepy Hollow, there are many difference stages to this process. Attributes/Effects: Increased Aggression -  When in the process of becoming the Hessian or displaying signs of it...he becomes more aggressive. Bloodlust -   This is self explanitory..when he goes through this he starts thirsting for the taste of blood.  There are ways to keep this at bay such as 'fasting' like Chris Walken's character in The Addiction. Dreams/Visions/Nightmares -  He begins to have visions/dreams or nightmares in which he is either visited by the original Hessian Horseman or changes to become like him.  And the transformations tend to be a lot worse and not to mention uncontrolable. The Thirst -  a  slightly more extreme variation of the "Bloodlust state" that acts as a sort of trance triggered by the blood red moon.  In this state..it alters...

Nathan: Hello everyone and welcome back to Double Walken Month on Monstermaster13's reviews.    I'm here in the town of Sleepy Hollow to review...what else?   Sleepy Hollow. Everyone knows the classic story of the Headless Horseman and they've seen the Disney cartoon and read the story so there's not much to go over here. But for those who don't or haven't watched it...allow me to explain everything that goes on. This dark masterpiece stars Johnny Depp as Ichabod Crane, a detective who is called over to the town of Sleepy Hollow to investigate a series of murders which all involving beheading. This is directed by Tim Burton who has made various other movies that i've loved including Beetlejuice. I think Depp does a wonderful job of portraying the character, making him cowardly but also very intelligent and noble at times as well. Starring alongside him is Christina Ricci, who also portrayed Wednesday in The Addams Family. I have to say she is very elegant an...

Nathan: Hello one and all i'm Monstermaster13 and welcome back to Double Walken month...i'm here on location in Stepford for this episode. Why?  Because it's the subject of the review.    For those not in the know the Stepford Wives was originally a novel that got made into a movie in the 1970's. In 2004,   this movie was remade.    The director of this movie is Frank Oz,  who you Muppet-fans out there might know as the voices behind Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear -  he also voiced Yoda in Star Wars and also directed The Score with Marlon Brando,  Little Shop Of Horrors and quite a few other movies. This centers around Joanna Eberhart (Nicole Kidman)  a female TV executive who despite being rather sucessful...suffers a nervous breakdown which causes her to get fired from the network.     Following this she decides that it would be the best if she and her family moved to Stepford. She befriends an author named Bobbee (Bette Midler) ...

Nathan: Hello i'm Monstermaster13 and welcome to another Monstermaster13's reviews episode.  If you're wondering why I am in China right now it's because of the movie i'm reviewing today. This movie is one i've just watched recently...it came out in 2007 and it's a comedy by Ben Garrant who also made the hit series Reno 911. The movie is called Balls of Fury and is a spoof of martial arts movies...it is also a homage to the sport known as table tennis/ping-pong.   It revolves around our main protagonist Randy Daytona who is portrayed by Dan Fogler,  he is introduced to us via a dove and is a down on his luck former ping pong olympic champion. He is brought in by an FBI agent named Rodriguez  (George Lopez ) to help track down the man who killed his father. But in order for that to happen he is trained by Master Wong (James Hong) and his niece the super attractive Maggie (played by Maggie Q). Which is also where we get to see some extremely well executed pin...

Luna New Year Special By Monstermaster13 -------------------------------------------------------------- It was the night of the Luna New Year and as a special treat for that I promised to take Natalia out to a Chinese Restaurant with her fiancee Trollse.    The resteraunt we chose was the Zen-Rai-Chi Restauraunt located right next to the movie theater. When we arrived at said restaurant however....I noticed something very unusual about the insides -  it looked like an authetic oriental temple,  there was even a ping pong table in one of the other rooms. "Hey...Nathan does the room remind you of anything?" "Yeah...it does.    This eerily reminds me of Balls of Fury -  there's a ping pong table and everything." "Oh yeah.    Well i'll order,  you go and look around." Natalia looked at the menu and decided to order....she ordered the Rice Balls with Soy Sauce while I went over to investigate the other rooms. Upon walking into one of the thr...

(This is a take on the classic Legend of Sleepy Hollow,   using elements of the NBC series Grimm and features a Wesen inspired by The Hessian from Tim Burton's version of the tale.  There are two Hessian inspired Wesen,  one of which is  Chris Walken and the other is my new friend Eliza) Guest stars:  Christoper Walken and Eliza Ravenclaw. ---------------------------------------------. It was all hallow's eve in New York,  which meant it was the time to dress up in scary costumes and watch horror movies. But not for Detective Jeremy Rutger,   he was a Grimm and this was the time when Wesen were allowed to come out and woge without fear of being attacked. This time it was different,  he had been called to solve a rather different Wesen related case. Over the past few weeknights,  a series of mysterious deaths had been reported,  each of the victims had their heads sliced off and their blood drained out.    Upon hours of research...

Oh alright Dragan....I am going to officially give up worshipping Satan and worship the Serbian gods instead...you win...... ............................................................Nah! I'm just kidding.  Happy belated April Fools Day!

I would like to apologize to the good folks at Infinitely Retarded,  I apologize for not understanding how "Gonzo Journalism" works. I also apologize for overreacting to something that was made to be satirical.