bonzi vs the christian pricks

 It is time for storytime with Bonzi and boy is this one a doozy, this one is an edited version of an older existing story which has been censored to prevent anyone from ever getting offended and this is set in the land of Vyond!  Once upon a time in the land of Vyond there was a league of villains called the Hyperconservative Christian Prick Squad and they always complained about supposedly satanic content when it wasn’t promoted Satanic content at all.  Their leader, a woman named Heidi Katsie was very up in arms about a music video Mel had made depicting a character turning into a monster and even more up in arms about Matthias/Werebelushi in Shades doing a review of a supposedly Satanic movie.  ‘How dare you do a review of Exorcist Believer,  do you not know those movies are satanic?’  ‘Uh duh it’s a horror movie franchise about demon possession, I would have thought you knew that.’  ‘Take the review down then.’

‘Why would I listen to a karen like you? All you do is whine and act like anything with monsters or the occult mentioned in it as promoting satanism.  I saw you complain to Piff about his review of Shark Exorcist that he did with Tino the Shark Snackle,  just because you think it has demonic elements doesn’t mean it’s satanic.’  ‘You are a servant of satan.’  ‘Satan ain’t got nothing on what i’m like when i’m angry.

Heidi  thought she could use this as a means to demean him but little did she know that a powerful all knowing gorilla was watching. A cloud of purple smoke materialized in her room and took on the form of a purple gorilla. ‘It is ever so adorable watching wrongdoers mess up and cause a controversy that easily can be fixed.’ ‘What the hell is going on here, even though I should probably know?’ ‘I have come for you, dearest Heidi.  am Bonzi, the lord and master of the internet! I have heard you have been a very bad woman and protested about my friend doing a review of a horror movie franchise just because it has demons in it.’  ‘Well your friend Werebelushi reviewed a horror movie called Exorcist Believer.’  ‘And?’  ‘It’s got a girl being possessed by a demon in it.’  ‘It’s part of a horror movie franchise themed around possession and based on a book about real events that happened.  It is fictional and there is no allegedly satanic elements in them.’  ‘But he showed clips from the movie depicting such scenes and even showed a pentagram.’  ‘That was part of a demonstration about the satanic panic, you’d recognize that if you ever lived in the 70s and 80s.’  

He leaped in front of Heidi  and grabbed her before mocking her obviously terrible taste in characters, he used his powers to change all of the collections of posters she had, changing from Christian symbolism imagery and warning signs to heavy metal posters. ‘There we go, now you have better taste.’  

She gasped and then attempted to object but as she did, her skin slowly began to deform, becoming mottled and covered in bumps as her hands deformed and swelled, her gloves bursting apart as her fingernails lengthened. ‘My hands, what are you doing to me, even though I know this is part of a transformation and should be expected?’ ‘I am making you into a much better form. Besides you don’t really like those lame Christian propaganda movies, do you?  We all know you like movies like Nightmare on Elm Street and Hellraiser,  we know you did a version of yourself as a cenobite.’

Her shoes slowly broke apart as her feet enlarged and deformed, her clothing morphing and changing in style, giving her a grungy punk look as a reptilian tail emerged from her rear. ‘What is happening to my body, why are you transforming me into this?’ ‘Because you had to be a snake in the grass, that’s why. You were a bad person, you and all your friends.’

Another member of said group came o came into the room, a character by the name of Connie Carterson who was a fellow Christian protestant…’Hey, you. Don’t go spreading word of black magic around her,  that makes you satanic.’  ‘No it does not, not everything relating to magic and the occult is satanic. Honestly you were like this with Dungeons and Dragons, you were like this with Harry Potter, i’m surprised you aren’t like this with Roald Dahl considering how he portrayed women as witches in one of his books!’

‘How dare you promote dark magic in the form of reviews made for kids and families to view on Youtube.’   ‘Excuse me?  Anyone who has ever seen Werebelushi’s show knows it isn’t for kids, it contains a lot of violence and graphic content used for the purpose of satire, second, if someone’s kids end up watching the show, isn’t that the parent’s fault?  Don’t go  around complaining to the creator for this sort of thing when it is indeed the parent’s fault,  you thought you could defame someone for just making content that appealed to his fans.  Well you were wrong.’ 

Connie  tried to object to Bonzi’s words but she found herself coughing up a strange black ooze as his body slowly bloated up and gained a lot of weight, growing coarse gray fur all over his body, her hands swelling and deforming to appear to be half hoof-like. ‘What on earth! I’m growing hair and hooves! This isn’t haaaaw funny, haaw, although it totally is now because I am making donkey jokes!’

Bonzi laughed at her…’Ha, you deserved this.I have seen all your negative reviews of Piff’s Puffed Up Fish Reviewer show, you complained about him promoting witchcraft when he did a review of an anime titled Magical Underwater Utopia,  even though said anime takes place at a magic school for young fish-people  with magic powers that are emotion based, you complained about him doing a skit that parodied soccermoms even though he depicted them as demons for the sake of a parody,  and you complained about him talking about summoning when he was just talking about a video game where you play as a character who can summon sea-monsters from a book of knowledge, I know and all see all  I am the lord and master of the internet and I am never wrong!’ Connie moaned and groaned as her feet deformed and shifted to go with his hands, as her behind inflated, his clothes slowly ripping away as a tail like that of a donkey grew out.  ‘Okay folks I am going to have to censor this scene because in the original version of this episode there was a mating scene that definitely would tick some people off, so instead here’s this.’

Connie slowly bulked up in height to 6’3 as her back and shoulders broadened, a pair of large wings sprung out of her back as her lengthened and darkened as her ears shifted to become like those of a donkey as a pair of horns grew out of her head.

Heidi’s back and shoulders broadened while her neck lengthened and her hair slowly darkened, taking on a spiked up style as her ears become pointed, her brow deformed and her teeth sharpened, her eyes turning from brown to red and developing slitted pupils, her voice cracking and becoming more demonic as her face deformed.  ‘Sorry for having to censor the juicy stuff but you can see the original version in its full gory glory on Shudder.  But now it is time to fix your personality,  you are not Heidi,  you are Kjalia, a heavy metal obsessed demoness who loves good old fashioned hellraising and rock music and your thrall is  Zarana who got her new name from a dark demon warrior in a game called City of Nightmares. She does what she is told without question.’

The purple gorilla’s words echoed in her head as her memories were partially replaced, she was not a hyperconservative christian parent, she was a hardcore metal-head demoness named Kjalia and Connie was her slave/servant who always did what she was told. Connie’s face slowly pushed out into a deformed donkey muzzle as memories of a new identity entered her mind, memories of being a punk anthro demon donkey named Zarana, Zarana was happy to always obey her demon mistress and do whatever she said. ‘That is better, you were such a failure as a human anyway!’

The next member of the group was a female protestant, a character by the name of Johana, Johana often disliked certain media because she thought it promoted dark themes such as satanism and death.  ‘You, turn my best friends back.’ ‘Looks like we’ve got another hyperconservative ready to be altered.’

“What do you mean by that, is that some kind of satanic magic spell?”

“Oh you best believe that it is.”

She panicked as she felt her skin slowly peeling off in drops, revealing new skin that was hardening and turning rough, purple and scaly as her hands deformed, her fingernails lengthened and her clothes slowly ripped apart, her breasts slowly retracted into her chest. Her body expanding and becoming quite muscular. ‘What the? You are robbing me of my feminine assets and making me into some kind of beast, turn me back to normal at once.’ She begged for Bonzi to turn them back to normal but Bonzi would not have any of it, as he began to twist her body even further, making spikes emerge from her back as her neck lengthened, her rear shrank in size as her privates shifted to the more masculine variant. ‘You are always advocating trans people, and now you get to experience being male, enjoy your new ding-aling.’

She groaned as she slowly grew taller and taller as her back and shoulders broadened, her neckline thickening as her hair slowly spiked up and her ears shifted to become become pointed, her brow deformed while her eyes widened, she couldn’t help but find that the demon mistress that used to be her friend was sexy as hell (pardon the pun!).  ‘Aaaw do you have a crush on Kjalia?  Well I think you definitely deserve extra for that. But I am not going to be doing a mating scene on the Deviantart City version of this,  got enough bad accusations as it is from your friends.’

Her teeth sharpened as her voice deepened, sounding masculine and demonic sounding as two horns emerged from the tip of her head, new memories assaulted her brain, making her think he had always been male instead of female, and that he was a demon named Daimus who was in love with the mistress. ‘All done. You three were such failures before I got to you and now you are all better.’

Bonzi smiled as his work had been done, he used his powers to transport them to a heavy metal concert for a band known as the ‘Screaming Banshees’ and they all instinctively rocked out at the concert as he took over their former home and all of their online content shifted to be heavy metal focused.

And thus our story comes to an end but not without a moral, remember don’t do what all these people did or Bonzi might come and make you see what kind of monster you truly are on the inside. For Bonzi will have his way with you and you will like it!