Trip to Twin Peaks.

Lorne’Lorne's Trip to Twin Peaks.

Laura Laura Palmer TG.

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Sometimes there are people that you can’t help but question why they even exist to begin with, they contribute absolutely nothing and are useless and you couldn’t care less about them, they are just pathetic idiots who have nothing better to do and one of those people was none other than Lorne aka Frostlorne. He was an Amiright member who had no specific purpose, he just posted a random comment on a parody song and that was it, he came across as pretentious and asked way too many questions for his own good, sometimes he just needed be told to shut up and sometimes he just couldn’t, and that’s why everyone’s favorite punishment dealing marsupial Mistress Mel set her sights on him.

One night she materialized in the Amiright universe which was a universe themed around music parodies and she paid a visit to Lorne’s abode, Lorne’s abode was rather ratty and dingy, it resembled a villain’s lair more than any house she ever had seen. ‘I wasn’t expecting much from someone who clearly has no taste in writing, but this place looks like someone raided the Adam West Batman show set and made their own version of it.’ ‘Excuse me, miss..but what are you doing here in my abode?’ Mel looked over at Lorne, he looked rather like someone you’d expect to meet in a mental ward with messed up hair and looked like he was in the process of becoming a werecreature due to the hairs on his face, hands and his much longer than normal nails.

“I’m Mistress Mel and I believe it’s your time.”

“My time...to what?”

“To be punished for what you said.”

“You mean?”

‘Oh yes, you said a comment that I think makes you out to be quite an asshole, and luckily for you I like assholes.’ ‘What?’ ‘Oh yes.’ ‘But what I said wasn’t even remotely harmful.’ Mistress Mel slapped him several times and used her magic to make a snake-monster jump out at him, it was clear she disagreed with him. ‘Please be quiet and let me read to you what you said.’

“How about we talk this over?”

‘Good idea. I’ll start by saying that you said the following things: ‘What is this? What is this even about? what is this? isnt it a lot to ask potential viewers to endure constantly whining about being a victim because people dont like your uploads. when you can stop making content like this and do something else at any time.’ ‘What?’ ‘Why yes, those are disgraceful comments. Also where is the apostrophe in don’t and isn’t? I get it, you’re one of those edgelords who doesn’t know how grammar works.’

“What? Are you kidding me?”

“No i’m not kidding but I have to ask..dude, what’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem.”

‘Clearly you do because you assume that people actually go on Amiright all the time and refer to people on that site as viewers. The Amiright universe was never as popular as the other website based universes to begin with. Heck Nathan was the only truly good character during his run as a character in that universe, everyone else was eh...sometimes you’d get a good performance once and a while but other times you’d get tripe like Annie Are You Okay.’ ‘What?’ ‘Oh yes, and you’re one of those Amiright-verse characters that nobody cares about because you’re so useless as a character in general, you didn’t even help anyone out, you just posted a random comment.’ ‘Well if Nathan wants to be more liked he can stop the Were-Aykroyd shit anytime he likes and write about something else.’

“And if you want to be taken seriously as a character, you can stop with the asshole character gimmick and be yourself anytime you want. See how that feels? Telling someone what they can and cannot do is a personal attack. Chucky G would not approve of such behavior.”

“What would you know about him?”

“Everything.”

‘Oh...really now?’ ‘Yes, and you claiming that Nathan is playing victim is also bullshit since we know that everyone in the Amiright verse vilified him for the stupidest of reasons, not to mention that bitch Annie mocking him for liking Jay Leno.’ ‘Aaaaw come on.’ ‘Look, you’d pretty much feel the exact same way too if your best friend left you and blocked you for no reason.’

“So?”

“So admit it, you are an asshole.’

“No i’m not, i’m trying to be helpful.”

“You? Helpful? Yeah right.”

‘Seriously, I am.’ ‘You should know never to diss the Were-Aykroyd like that. I guess you’re luckily the Were-Aykroyd himself doesn’t know of this. Luckily for you i’m not him, but I can be just as frightening as he is.’ ‘And how can you do that?’ ‘Let’s just say that you should be glad I am appearing to you as a sexy koala-girl, because if I appeared to you as a hulking monstress or horrific Lovecraft inspired fish-monster you would probably be wishing you hadn’t met me.’

“What is your punishment for me exactly?”

‘Well since you like to think that whenever someone writes about being abused, how would you like to be an actual victim?’ ‘What do you mean by that?’ the seductive marsupial woman chuckled as Lorne felt a cold chill running down his spine and a series of sensations jolting through his body. His dirty looking skin slowly lost imperfections as it softened, and his arms lengthened and his hands shrank in size. ‘What’s going on?’ ‘The fun part of your punishment.’

Lorne felt uneasy as his fingernails lengthened and his chest and torso lengthened, his ratty dark red shirt and pants slowly altering into a black gown as a pair of round formations developed on his chest, blossoming out into what were commonly known as breasts as his stomach slimmed, the hairs on his arms melted away. He panicked and closed his eyes, hoping it was just a nightmare but it wasn’t, this was real. There was a slurping sensation as his privates altered into those of the opposite sex as his hips flared out, his legs lengthened as his feet shrank down just like his hands had done before, a dark presence began to influence his mind, making him reject parts of his own personality. It was as if this personality of his was being rejected.

“Why do I not like how I acted before?”

‘Your personality is being rejected. And frankly you’re lucky that i’m drawn to asshole characters so much or I would have done this to you ages ago.’ ‘But why are you doing this to me?’ ‘Because you deserve it, admit you’re an asshole. And it’s because of how you acted that I set my sights on you.’ He groaned as his back arched and his shoulders shrank and his neckline lengthened.

The changes crept upwards towards his head as his hair lengthened, turning from dark brown to blonde as his eyebrows thinned, his cheekbones sharpened as his facial features reshaped themselves, his lips plumped up and his nose shrank in size while his features morphed themselves into those of actress Sheryl Lee as eyelashes blossomed around his eyes, his facial hair melted off in the same way as the ones on on his hands while his voice contorted and shifted to match his appearance. A couple of minutes later, Mistress Mel’s dark presence continued to influence him and no matter how many times he tried to get it out of his head, his regular personality was already being rejected and within a few seconds later a new personality had manifested in there, that of a woman named Laura Palmer.

Lorne could no longer say he identified as a ‘Lorne’ as he felt more like he identified as a ‘Laura’ which made sense since he or rather she was Laura Palmer and she remembered Mistress Mel, she remembered Mistress Mel as a friend who helped bring her out from the black lodge and helped her. ‘Mel. I’m sorry.’ ‘Your apology has been accepted.’ ‘I know that I should have just come clean.’ ‘You should have from the very start.’

“I fully understand.”

Mel hugged Laura, cuddling her and helping her to feel better about what happened…’I like this you, this is the actual you.’ ‘And i’m glad you helped me find it.’ Laura looked over at her friend and held her by the hand. ‘Now that you’re much better, we can catch up and share stories.’ ‘I like that a lot.’ Laura shared stories of her experiences, stories of Dale Cooper and his eccentric visions/dreams and stories of the mysterious lodge, the two of them bonded as close friends were known to do.

“You truly are a wonderful friend, Mel.”

“That is so generous of you to say, Laura.”

‘No problem..’ ‘Come on Laura, we’ve got work to do.’ ‘Right behind you.’ And thus with that Mel and Laura set off on their mission, leaving the Amiright-verse and heading back to where they originally came from together. But not before Mel set out to contact Chucky G and investigate the little ‘pest control problem’, the people in the Amiright-verse had, as for what happened later..the two of them had a night of the town later on and just had fun and relaxed. But there were many more lessons that Mel had to teach Laura, so they spent the next few hours doing various assignments together to get to know each-other better.

Thus brings us to the lesson of the story, it’s alright to have a different opinion than someone else, if you don’t like someone else’s work, fine...but don’t ask stupid questions that you can easily answer yourself or try to tell someone else how to do their job, it’s their life and their job and not yours, if you’re going to be a little prick, expect Mistress Mel to prick you back. Be good to Mel and she’s good to you in return. Harm Mel’s friends and you will pay the price.

Don't go accusing others of playing the victim card when you yourself are the victim, the victim of having a real horrible personality.