Permanent Residence.

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Ah, the fall season...the season where summer bids us farewell, the leaves fall down and everything starts to get a little bit chillier (or warmer depending on what country you’re from) and where everything isn’t as it seems. Picture if you will, a time of year in which September counts down and leaves us for the year, chances are it is happening to you right now and when the ghosts/ghouls/undead beings start to wake up and plan their plans for the season of fright, that’s right, October. October is the season of fright, the season of monsters and horror, the season where the horror buffs out there get ready to embrace their inner monster. Now you have entered a world of paranormal activity, strange events, and supernatural beings, a world simply known as being part of the other half of your dimension, known as the Aykroyd zone. Why the Aykroyd zone? Because of the Aykroyd-verse being a major part of this and because of the Were-Aykroyd in general. The Were-Aykroyd or ‘Dan’ as he’s often called, loves to pay visit to his admirers around this time of year. And who is he you ask? Well he’d tell you but he would rather keep it a secret.

Nathan Forester was a massive fan of the spooky season, of horror in general and also a massive Dan Aykroyd simp. He was part of the Simp Central group on Discord and often chatted with his friends on there about his love of Dan Aykroyd and shared his insane-ly brilliant tales with them, he didn’t think of himself was superior to anyone else, he was just being himself, and he had a secret. ‘Ugh...I don’t get why you deal with these sorts of people that don’t get your work.’ Mel the koala-girl exclaimed as she walked into the apartment room her friend was in.

“I know, seriously that Lorne guy…”

“I dealt with him myself, that guy is a pain in the ass.”

‘What is this? Like what is this? Seriously… isn’t it a lot to expect potential viewers to endure constant whining about being a victim?’ Nathan quipped, mimicking Lorne’s pompous comments. ‘Yeah, I found that comment to be stupid to be too. Like seriously, what was his problem with you anyway? You didn’t ask for his opinion, yet he showed up like a snooty parasite and sucked the life out of any enjoyment you were having at the time.’ ‘Absolutely and get this: He thinks i’ m whining about being a victim because nobody likes my uploads. Like he has any say in the matter, he’s not even a regular in the Amiright-verse. Seriously, what potential viewers? The Amiright-verse’s show was NEVER popular. Heck I was the only good character on that show during its initial 2008-2010 run.’

“Do you remember Lorne at all?”

‘No, all I remember is that the performances you get from that show often range from good to terrible and sometimes you get crap like Anondria/fake Andria who pretty much was already a stupid character idea since she was just a parody of a troll character pretending to be a woman, and she wasn’t even funny.’ ‘And that Annie Are You Okay chick.’ ‘Yeah, seriously pretending to be Jay Leno in order to defame me and attempting to ruin Jay for me like that. Why did Chucky and the other cast members even like her? She had no talent and she was the worst cast member of that year’s line-up. Heck it was her that caused me to hate Red and Agrimorfee during my run, because clearly they liked her and not me, despite her being medium talent at best.’ ‘Yeah I really have to question where he finds those people for that show. It really declined after you got kicked off the show though.’ ‘I admit that I was a bit of a Chevy Chase back then but I didn’t mean to. It’s just...why that medium talented hack was picked over me in terms of parody material is beyond me.’

“Yeah. I hated that character right from her first appearance. Why did she hate you? All she ever did was loathe you for stupid reasons and try to defame you. Such a bitch, truly the worst villain the Amiright-verse ever produced next to Andria.”

‘At least with Andria we didn’t find out she was actually a villain until much later, specifically the 2010-2012 run and by then I was just popping up for guest appearances on the show as a comeback. The twist with the Andria character actually being a male body-snatching demon from the Daloli-verse definitely paid off.’ ‘Yeah, Andria was the most complex villain in that universe. I wouldn’t call Red Ant or Agrimofee villains since they were both doing their jobs and they were obviously brainwashed by Annie into turning against you.’ ‘But this Lorne guy..I don’t even get it. Why did he just randomly show up and accuse me of playing the victim card when I don’t play the victim card since I actually DID lose two of my best friends and have trouble dealing with loss?’ ‘Maybe he thinks that you made a big deal out of it.’

“Nah. He clearly doesn’t think at all judging by his comments.”

‘Tell me about it. He told me that if you wanted to be more liked as a character you could drop the Were-Aykroyd act any time and talk about something else.’ ‘Well if he wanted to be more liked, he could have dropped the asshole persona anytime but nooo, it seems he didn’t get it.’ ‘Luckily though I fixed him…’ ‘Also act? What act? Does he think that this Were-Aykroyd thing is an act that I put on as part of a shock performance or something? Being a Were-Aykroyd is a way of life, since Dan possessed me this has been the way.’

“He’s just lucky he just crossed paths with me and not your Were-Aykroyd side.”

“Oh believe me, if he had met Dan he would have gotten straightened out for sure.”

‘Fortunately he or rather she...is now Laura Palmer.’ ‘So you turned him into Laura?’ ‘Yes and she is much nicer.’ ‘Besides, everyone knows all the Aykroyd centric song parody sequences I do in the Amiright-verse show aren’t done by me, well they’re written by me, but half of the time when those sequences happen it’s Dan himself singing them.’ ‘Everyone knows the Were-Aykroyd side possesses you when you do those sequences.’

“Being a Were-Aykroyd isn’t a costume, it’s not cosplay. It’s a lifestyle, it’s what I am.”

“Exactly.”

Nathan prided himself on being weird and dark, and he prided himself on creating material that astounded and frightened people and he knew that the Were-Aykroyd got himself a lot of admirers, and he couldn’t help but dream about it, being Dan Aykroyd was kind of enticing to him and he knew it. That’s why he couldn’t help but notice those masks on display, one of them was of Dan Aykroyd in the Twilight Zone movie.

Of course he had Were-Aykroyd powers that he often took advantage of. ‘Ha, those guys on that forum wannabe site who just sat there calling me a rando and saying I had a touch of the schiz and parental issues, well they’re the ones with issues. If clearly they say they don’t care about me then they shouldn’t have tagged me in their back-talking conversations in the first place.’ ‘I’ll say.’ Dan’s voice emitted from a mirror nearby.

“Dan...what a pleasant surprise.”

“You seem to be not too happy to see me.”

“It’s not that i’m not happy to see you, it’s just that I was in the middle of something.”

“And I couldn’t help but hear that you needed help dealing with those people.”

“It’s true, I do.”

‘Don’t you worry i’ve got this, just listen to me.’ Knowing how much he trusted the Canadian actor and writer, Nathan couldn’t help but listen to Dan’s words and agree with them, when he was in that forum-verse’s realm, he couldn’t believe just how stupid half of the people on there and he never could understand why they spoke in what he could only describe as edgelord language with such terms as ‘rando’ and ‘spedromon’. What even were those? He knew rando meant weird but there was not even any Urban Dictionary for ‘spedromon’. ‘Like what the hell even is spedromon anyway? Some kind of weird Digimon name? Gabu digivolve to..Spedromon! A racial slang term? Don’t they even speak real English?’ ‘Edgelord speak isn’t even a legit language, it’s like a bunch of aliens imitating humans thinking that’s how we talk online these days and decided to copy that.’

Those people obviously didn’t get that Nathan wasn’t demanding and asking them to care about his plight, but given his situation he would have done anything to get those Daloli-verse parasites away from him at the time, he knew they caused drama and did nothing but target hm for no reason and took things he said out of context. The Homestuck fanboy that tried to defame him and attack him turned out to be a demon who almost got away with taking over Jade Harley’s body if it wasn’t for one little flaw - he was a coward, a coward who obviously knew didn’t know when to quit and didn’t know when he had been beaten. Of course the Monster World universe’s version of Jade was designed to resemble an actual humanoid character instead of how she looked in the web comic. Nathan just felt bad for Jade in that sense, stuck with a deranged pseudo-serial killer wannabe who wanted her body and didn’t like her as a person. He thought Jade deserved better than that guy, he could tell Jade didn’t want anything to do with that stalker. It was literally like the Tales From The Crypt episode Dead Right. He knew Jade was only in a relationship with that stalker so she could pretend to love him and she only wanted to wait around until he died, or got arrested/defeated. She loved the bastard, she hated every little thing about him, from his two-faced way of saying he’d ‘move on’ only to complain behind other people’s backs, to his obsession with her, to the fact nobody even bothered to do something, she wanted him gone. Of course Jade did get her revenge on him by cursing him to be exactly like her, and now said stalker becomes Jade’s twin whenever he gets ‘bitchy’ with someone.

Nathan chuckled as he listened to Dan. ‘Listen to me, you don’t need people like that, so you lost two of your best friends within last year? If they were so quick to leave you like that, they should have told you.’ ‘One of them did, the other isolated themselves from me.’ ‘If your very own best friend isolates themselves from you without even explaining first, then I think they have problems, but problems can be fixed.’

“What do you mean?”

“I think last year ended on a terrible note for me. But you made things better.”

“Indeed I did, and you know what? I can help you.”

“You can?”

“Yes...a good Were-Aykroyd always helps.”

Those words made Nathan feel better and more relaxed as the eyes on the mask gave off an eerie glow and hypnotized him, he began to think about being Dan again. Those people who called him a rando would pay for that and he knew just how he’d do so, as he thought about letting his own inner Were-Aykroyd out. He examined himself for a bit as a tingling sensation slowly crept over him, his arms slowly broadened as brownish hairs grew on them while his skin matured and as his hands grew in size. The same type of hairs grew on his palms too.

In addition to this his chest broadened as the hairs grew on them, his stomach also broadened and grew in size and width, sporting brownish hairs on it while his back also broadened a it, he examined himself, feeling quite proud of himself as his legs altered in the same way as his hands, his feet enlarged as two of the toes between both feet stuck together at the knuckle, becoming webbed in appearance. He slowly shot up in height to 6’1 as his rear plumped up, his shoulders broadened and he could already hear Dan Aykroyd’s voice in his head, telling him this was natural as his neckline altered, his hair darkened a bit as his brow altered while his forehead elevated, his eyes widened, one turning green while the other remained brown, his nose broadened, a small cleft popping up in the middle of it as his lips became a bit more kissable and his features contorted, becoming Aykroydian. He looked very much like Dan now and he knew it, he always couldn’t help but simp over himself. Naturally since the Were-Aykroyd in general was extremely alluring and charismatic and thicc, that part in particular was often overlooked. His voice deepened and matured, developing a Canadian accent and altering into a replication of Dan’s voice, as his mind and personality altered, giving him the charismatic personality of his persona. That persona was a separate persona from his normal one, that he just so happened to enjoy being.

It was at this point he was fully this persona and he was still himself at the same, he was Dan the Were-Aykroyd and he was protective of his other half. His other-half ‘Nathan’ was someone that he took pride in teaching his ways to ‘Nathan’ and making sure that everything was right, and he knew he had an important job to do. ‘Ah yes, i’ve got some particularly nasty specimens on the chan-board forum realm to sort out.’ He used his powers to appear in the realm known as the Daloli-verse reject zone.

This zone’s main inhabitants were antagonists that even the main daloli-verse citizens turned down, one was IanBlanko. Ian’s appearance was basically akin to a sewer mutant, as a result of his hatred for Nathan, he hated Nathan and thought that it was disgusting that Nathan was a hypocrite for liking pig transformations while also disliking weight gain transformations were just skinny characters becoming larger versions of themselves. He himself was a grotesque creature and his avatar form did him no favors, his avatar form depicted a man who wore makeup that resembled the face of a cow, obviously this man was part of the Daloli-verse subculture and believed all that garbage that the Daloli-verse’s conspiracy theorist high-priest told him about him being a humanoid cow-monster. ‘Ah here we are, hello Mr Blanko.’ ‘I know you...you’re the Were-Aykroyd.’ ‘Yes I am and you’ve been a bad little parasite haven’t you?’ ‘What? No I haven’t.’

“A good Were-Aykroyd always knows when someone has been lying, and your group is notorious for it.”

“What? How did you know that?”

‘I know that you said that you found it hypocritical that Nathan didn’t like weight gain stories/transformations where someone just becomes an overweight slovenly version of themselves. You heard incorrectly, he specifically said that he hates it when it’s just a skinny or non-fat character being fattened up and made into a slob, not that he hates weight gain in general. Also what do pig transformations have to do with it?’ ‘I….’ ‘Oh I get it, it’s because half of the pig tf subjects in the wall of favorites are female and you think it’s body-shaming, yet it’s totally not body-shaming if it’s a man, right?’ ‘I didn’t say that.’ ‘You do realize that it’s not Nathan’s fault that the wall of favorites features mostly female transformations, right? I mean he didn’t commission those morph sequences to happen, those were courtesy of others, so why blame poor Nathan for it? And also...yes, it’s hypocritical...for you to think this is disgusting, yet you yourself clearly according to your official bio state that you identify as a cow-monster.’

“So I identify as a cow-monster, so what?”

‘You claim to identify as a descendant of the dark anthro bovine goddess Moocifer, who isn’t even part of your universe or the Daloli-verse. She is a Monsterverse and DA-Verse villain, and she has never had any descendants in the universe she comes from, in order for her to do that, her powers would need to be transferred to others.’ ‘Okay so I got one little bit of her myths wrong.’ ‘Not just one...but all the bits. Nothing in the myth says anything resembling what you mention in your bio, you didn’t even mention her shadow form or the fact that she pretty much ruled over the nightmare city.’

“Okay so I got everything wrong..”

‘Not just that, but you’re not even the same species. You only appeared in the form of a cow-monster because you were told by the Daloli-verse’s high priest that you have the soul of a cow-monster inside you. Said priest is a scam artist who uses his powers to con people and honestly if you are gullible enough to believe him, even the Daloli-verse’s dumbest would think you’re a moron.’ ‘But…’ ‘And about racial changes? Why do you dislike them? It’s not even offensive, ugh...you wannabe dalol-ilians these days.’

“What?”

“Looks like i’m going to have to teach you a lesson.”

Dan used his powers to bring the dimwitted Ian closer to him, he then used his powers to drain the hate-demon attributes out of him before entrancing him. Ian realized he had been a horrible person and thus broke down in tears, he never meant to offend Nathan or ‘Dan’, it’s just he wanted to belong and to be known, but the problem was the Daloli-Rejects were only ever noticed because of how just they seemed to vapidly agree with the actual Daloli-verse on everything, he was basically a patsy to those types of people. ‘Now what kind of organization actually allows this to happen to someone who clearly didn’t deserve it?’ ‘A bad one?’ ‘Exactly, your friends and the Daloli-verse are evil. They corrupted your own opinion of Nathan to be a hateful one even though you don’t even know him.’

‘My friend isn’t corrupted and we’re not evil!’ Another ‘reject’ chimed in, that reject was Jake, Jake was a bit of a smug jackass who always thought that there was always subtext that meant something else.’ ‘Says the man who said that the one Nights of Alterations episode was an incest allegory.’ ‘Well it was. That monster-boy was in a gay relationship with someone who was also his surogate father figure, clearly it’s incest.’ ‘No, it’s not. Whoever told you that it’s incest, they don’t know what it actually is. Look, people like you are the reason the episode got edited and remade. Because honestly the show wasn’t made for you to complain about.’ ‘I’m sorry, okay.’ ‘Oh and by the way, Nathan is bi and so am I. He didn’t choose to make them bisexual in the remake to make fun of snobby wannabe critics like you.’

“Okay i’m sorry.”

“Oh and i’m not done yet, remember that one deranged Homestuck fanboy?”

“The Jade Harley fetishist?”

“Yes, the demon with the Jade Harley fetish who turned out to be a serial killer.”

‘Okay I do admit that he got a little carried away….’ ‘ And who’s fault is that? Oh that’s right, yours.’ Dan held him up with his super-human strength and grabbed him before running his hands through his hair. ‘I hate to admit it, but you’re right.’ ‘Of course I am. I mean if I was Andrew Hussie and I saw that freak trying to stalk me I would become afraid of my own biggest fans for life. Heck, i’d self isolate from them forever.’ ‘We’re sorry.’ ‘You still need fixing though, allow me to show you.’ Dan used his powers to condition Ian and Jake forever, helping them remember all the mistakes they had made and as they did he transferred his powers to them, transforming them into Were-Aykroyds just like him, both of them were turned equally as Aykroyd-like as he was, and immediately forgot about the Daloli-verse or being part of the group to begin with. ‘You’re right, why would we be part of such a ridiculous group? Clearly we are too intelligent to be with people who think little of us.’ ‘Of course, you’re my new siblings after all. You’ve got a little bit of me in you.’ The two new Were-Aykroyds then gestured over to the direction of the Reject members who called Nathan a ‘rando’, one of them was a ratty looking humanoid named Jacobslaughter who looked like a mix of a stereotypical stoner and a Chud. ‘Excuse me, are the rando guy?’

‘Who wants to know?’

‘I do. Hi i’m Dan. And I heard you talked about Nathan to your fellow rejects-members behind his back after he quit your group and called him a rando.’ ‘Well that’s just because he came across as someone who obviously has a case of the schiz and parental issues who acts like a major rando for no reason other to make threats and demands towards us as if he thinks we care about who he is.’ ‘Threats? Demands? Look, all he did was ask you to get rid of two little pests known as Ian and Jake. But don’t worry I fixed that for you. Next time, keep your little minions away from my friends. And also using schizophrenia as an insult is offense to people with actual mental conditions.’ ‘And we should care about this why?’ ‘Because if you go around calling someone who wants you to help him rando and act like he’s a nutcase, then you have problems.’

“Uhhhh…”

‘And another thing...if your friends clearly don’t care why bother talking about him at all? He’s gone, he’s not coming back, shaming him will not make him come back. Also don’t you know his father died two years ago? Bringing up parental issues around him is one way to tick him off.’ ‘What are you, my grand-dad?’ Dan cleared his throat and manifested as an elderly version of himself as he appeared next to him and mocked him. ‘You kids and your randos and your spedromon and whatever slang term you’re using these days. When I was your age we spoke proper English and didn’t use textspeak and we didn’t say no1currs either. We used words like moron, knucklehead, peabrain, stupid, brain-dead.’ ‘Are you mocking me?’ ‘I sure am. Like what kind of person outside of the dimension/realm you come from talks like that?’ ‘Hey...don’t trash my language.’ ‘it’s a language ripe for trashing if you ask me. It’s like an alien that thought that humans talk in textspeak and memes all the time so that’s the default style and it’s a style that doesn’t speak to you.’ ‘What?’ ‘It’s so true, oh and that attire of yours too...ugh, deliver me from LL Bean.’

‘What?’ ‘I think there’s a lot about you that needs to be desired. But you’re not right, I can fix you.’ ‘Fix me? But i’m fine the way I am.’ Before the foolish Jacob could say anything though, Dan grabbed him and dragged him closer, using his hypnotic voice to put him under his spell and condition him, making him regret everything he had said. He felt more relaxed as Dan conditioned him further and he realized…’why would I be here anyway? Clearly I don’t belong with those non-Aykroydian specimens. I want to be Aykroydian.’ With a kiss Dan fully converted Jacob and turned him into a fellow Were-Aykroyd, before going after the rest of the rejects and converting them.

It wasn’t long until the entirety of the Daloli-verse’s rejects groups were all Aykroyded up, with that done Dan decided to leave the Daloli-verse reject’s realm and head back to the Monster-verse, after all he was getting ready for the halloween season and he had a party to plan for all his admirers. And thus our little tale comes to a conclusion, but not before Dan decided to set up a few Dan Aykroyd mask displays, including a Valkenheiser mask, he knew that there were people that would definitely want them.

The lesson for this story is to always be careful of who you pick on online, if you end up questioning or picking on someone who has powers then you should always apologize or they might come to get you as a form of revenge, be careful of who you call a ‘rando’, because the real rando isn’t the person you’re mocking, it’s YOU. When someone who looks and acts different than you asks for help, don’t dismiss them and call them a ‘rando’..help them, after all there’s no place in this world for that kind of behavior. But don’t worry, you can fix that, by going on a little to a place known as the Aykroyd zone.