Werebelushi Rants: NET

Werebelushi:
Hello everyone and welcome back to another Werebelushi rant with your host That Werebelushi In The Shades.   Looks like it’s award season once again and i’ve been giving out awards by the motherload this week.

Speaking of which it’s time for today’s award which is the Not Even Trying award.  This goes for the troll wannabes that can’t even think up anything original and just resort to bringing up old news.

Like for instance this latest idiot who made a nod to a series of rather racy photos and videos Nathan did over 4 years ago.   Yeah, we get it.  He was willingly tricked into doing those things, and he nearly got his System32 file deleted.  

Everyone who has ever trolled him as of recent ALREADY knows that!  It’s like Miley twerking, everyone knows she did that.   You don’t need to keep hammering it in.  Unless of course you’re trying to make fun of her.

It’s like if I started bringing up that video one of my roommates posted of himself watching reruns of Barney the Dinosaur.   And yes,  that actually did happen to me.   I actually was there at the time it happened.   And guess what?  Sure...he got made fun of for it by his other friends, but they forgot about it soon after.

I mean bringing up something that pretty much everyone knows about it that happened YEARS AGO is just showing how desperate for lulz you actually are.  Only me and Nathan are allowed to do that.

I mean you know that me and Nathan bring up the whole Conan fiasco when we talk about Jay Leno,  but that is when we talk about how much of a bad reputation he’s gotten since then.   For the record Leno is a pretty nice man.

I’d like to see those failtrolls try and do that once and a while. Speaking of which,  I have a beef with a certain roommate who posted that video of me petting my plush cat Belushi.  Yes, my plush cat is named after John Belushi.  And yes,  i’m a grown Werebelushi who collects plush toys and watches kids shows.  So what?   It’s my life damn it.   I can do what I please.

In case you’re wondering,  yes...I actually have seen the one episode of Chumsley’s Clubhouse where Chumsley the werejohncandy beats up Schmoofy.   But Schmoofy actually deserved what he got for trying to steal Chumsley’s fanbase away from him.   Well that, and the executive producers wanted to cancel Chumsley’s show.   That so called incident was not Chumsley’s fault,  but rather Schmoofy’s fault. 

I mean can’t you just forget that happened?    Oh that’s right,  you don’t have the brain capacity to do that either.   What happened in the past STAYS in the past,  and that’s that!  I mean how many people outside of your retarded group of patsies are going to remember something that someone they don’t even know about did?

Oh...and you instantly lost more originality points for using the word ‘fatty’  when describing his appearance.   As a heavy set gentleman myself,  i’m offended by the use of words like that as a means to insult people of the more ‘Hollywood Homely’ build.

Nathan is NOT fat in the least,  he’s moderate weight but he prefers not to talk about it.  Also...I believe the proper term you are looking for is ‘Stout’.    Either that or ‘Portly’,  ‘Round’ ‘Rotund’ or ‘Fluffy’.    Or perhaps you were looking for ‘Hollywood Homely’ or ‘Pleasantly Plump’.

First of all...according to my good friend Urban Dictionary,  and yes - I use Urban Dictionary a lot,  the word fattie has several different meanings including someone who is cool in addition to the half-a-baker’s-dozen-of-fat-jokes.    It also refers to a kind of smoking blunt that is filled with marijuana.

For the record,  neither Nathan nor I have ever smoked anything in our lives.   Yes -  a werecreature based on John Belushi and he hasn’t even done drugs like his namesake.  Shocking, isn’t it?

Only Nathan’s father has smoked.   And Nathan himself has only had certain kinds of drugs put into his system back when he was in the hospital.   Those were medicinal and helped with the surgery.

The only drugs you’d see me doing are alcohol based and that’s because..like the Nostalgia Critic,  there are somethings that are so...so...so hideously,  atrociously awful that I would only be able to address them as if I was drunk.    Failtroll comments and stupid soccermom behavior often drives me to that.

For the record...I try to make sure that this is a family show so there are little to no scenes of me actually getting drunk,   I use moderate swearing except in some cases and I only use gross-out jokes in small doses.   I don’t make references to other drugs either except if I am asking what kind of drugs the failtroll wannabes were on.   And I try not to be racist or sexist when addressing certain topics.

I am for the most part an entertainer and fictional character and mainly my job is to rant on things that really peeve me off,  whether it be media based or not.    As well as state my own personal thoughts and opinions on said subjects.

I just have a limit as to what exactly I can do,  like for example I can’t do a rant about Deviantart talking about the admins because I fear if I do...that Nathan might get banned for bad-mouthing them.

For example with my WTF Moments series of rants on troll comments...I could only go up to at least 20 or higher without losing my mind completely because failtrolls in general really do push my limit over the edge.   If I carried on with that specific mini series of rants,  I would have probably gone completely Axe Crazy like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.   And trust me,  an insane werebelushi is NOT a pretty picture.

That’s why I came up with these specific awards themed episodes -   I call this awards special The Trollzies.   I based the majority of it on the Golden Raspberry Awards,   and I made the name a homage/play on words of the Razzies.

The categories include Biggest Idiot Ever,   Lamest Death Threats,   The Most Pathetic Attempt at Being Edgy,   Most Overrused Meme References,   Worst Grammar,  Worst Grammar Nazi Impersonation,   Worst Illuminati Worshipper Award,   Most Horrendous Use of Drug References,   The ‘Eeeew! You Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth” Award for Worst Sexual Innuendos,   the “Just Shut Up” Award,   Most Likely To Be On Drugs Award,  Worst Trollpersonation of A Foreign Extremist,   The ‘Most Likely to End Up Like Jeffrey Jones’ Award for Pedophilic Comments,    Most Unoriginal Use Of Fat Jokes,   Most Offensive Anti-Aspergers/Autism Comments,   The ‘Most Likely To Be In An Asylum’ Award for Most Insane Failtroll,     The Stupidest Comment Ever Award,   The ‘Sheesh, Lady!  Calm The Hell Down” Award for Female Failtroll Wannabes,   The “That’s a real Fetish?”  Award for Most bizarre or Disgusting Fetish,   Most Stereotypically Offensive To Everyone,   The “Wow,  It’s like he’s not even human!” Award,   Worst Trollsite Fantard,   Lamest Reasons To Hate Other Users,  and today’s award the ‘Not Even Trying’  Award!

Do not be afraid to send in your nominees for each category,  btw - no real failtroll examples please,   in lieu of actual troll examples,  use ones that you make up.   That way,  we won’t be giving attention to the real ones.   Also if you are entering in the Worst Trollsite Fantard award category,  use a fictional trollsite as an example.   

Now where was I?  Oh yeah.   You,  sir/madam/whatever you are,  are the most unoriginal failtroll i’ve ever had the misfortune of encountering.    How about you actually focus on something that isn’t old news for once,  huh?

I mean you don’t see anyone trying to bring up things that i’ve done before or anything i’ve written or posted in the past, do you?   You don’t see anyone bringing up my attempts at doing Animal House or Blues Brothers fanfics,   and you don’t see anyone actually bring up that one episode of the WereElvis family series that I wrote - do you?   Of course not.   Also for the record, if you tell a single living soul about Nathan’s Jay Leno picture folders I will personally lay waste to the entirety of your house or wherever you live.

By the way...nobody better lay a single finger on any of my Blues Brothers fanfics,  no screencapping,  no bestiality or Yaoi,  no smut,  no inserting your Mary Sues/Gary Stus into them, no editing without my permission,  no screencapping for the sake of trolling and absolutely NO ripping them off.   Oh,  and do NOT partner up any of my characters with any of the characters from Blues Brothers 2000.   Blues Brothers 2000 is not treated as canon within these fics.   Oh,  and if you must...do NOT have your Mary Sues/Gary Stus fall in love with either Jake, Elwood,  Curtis or any of my fan-characters.

What happens in the past STAYS in the past and that is FINAL!  I don’t want to hear any more of it.   So congratulations.   You sir/madam,  are now the proud owner of the Not Even Trying Award!

I’m That Werebelushi In The Shades and this has been my rant at the winner of the Not Even Trying Award.   Now if you excuse me,  i’m going to look through my list of nominees for the other categories.