Gift of Cowbell

The Gift Of Cowbell

Disclaimer:

The following is a fictional story about how my character turned into a Walken, it is for the most part fictional which means it is not true.   Please do not copypaste this or screencap it for the sake of mocking it,   if you think it is real please seek professional help immediately.

Warning:

Looking at the picture associated with this story will cause you to slowly become like Christopher Walken.  You may feel the urge to break out into a dance,   attempt to do the 1812 overture with your armpit,  perch like an archangel,  chase Johnny Depp through the town of Sleepy Hollow and roar like a Hessian warrior,  get a job at Bed,  Bath and Beyond,   dance around in a hotel room, tell stories about mice and buckets of cream, listen to the sound of the cowbell,   read the Three Little Pigs, become a soldier in Vietnam,  take up ping pong and dress in Asian garb,  you will also come down with a severe desire for more cowbell.

This also may cause an aversion to anything to do with bears, especially a certain group of singing bears. Oh and you may have the urge to say "Good for you, good for you - good FOR YOU!" on occasion.

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You know those dreams that are just surreal enough to actually be real?   Those ones that sometimes you think actually did happen?   Well..i’ve had plenty of those,  mainly revolving around Christopher Walken.

For some reason I was dreaming of him and seeing him everywhere and even...becoming him,  it was like he placed me under his spell or something,   because all I could think of was Walken.

The most peculiar of them happened last night,  although oddly enough it didn’t feel like it was a dream at all.   I was walking through the street,  it was a very mysterious and spooky night.

I was on my way home from my stint at the local theater company when I heard from a dear friend that they were a Walken fan and that they had received a strange package from a website I wasn’t familiar with.    The strange thing was I don’t remember ordering from said website.

“So what do you think it is?”

“I don’t know...but I think it came from a site called How2BeAMonster.com.”

“Hmmm...don’t think i’ve ever ordered from there.   I mostly order from Ebay and Amazon along with Mighty Ape.”

“Well it says...dear customer:  Thank you for ordering from How2BeAMonster.com,  we hope you will enjoy your goods.”

“What is it?”

He opened the package,  revealing what was inside -   it was a large cowbell of sorts made out of a metallic substance.    Which in turn sent me into a hypnotic trance, making it difficult for me to think.

“It says here...it’s part of a ‘Walkenization’  kit.’

“So it’s a…c-c-c…”

“Nathan?”

“C-C-C…”

“Coooowbell…”

“Nathan?  Are you okay?”

“Oh..i’m fine...it’s just.”

“You went into some sort of trance..almost like you were hypnotized or something.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“It didn’t sound like nothing to me.   I mean..that was kind of weird,  it’s like you have some sort of cowbell fixation or something.”

“Cooooowbelll….”

“Yeah,  like that!”

“I...i…”

“Nathan?  What’s goiing on?  You’ve been acting strange all week ever since you ordered this for me from that How2BeAMonster website.”

“I...I...I...rrr...neeeeed more cowbell.”

“Why do you need more cowbell,   Nathan?   Why?”

“I don’t know what came over me,  sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

 

“Just curious...why did you want that exactly?”

“Well you might think i’m crazy but I want to be a Walken.”

“You do?”

“Well yes...you seem to be so heavily into Walken as of late that i’ve decided to join this ‘Walken’ clan thing you keep mentioning.”

“You mean you want to become a Walken yourself?”

“Oh hell yes...you wouldn’t happen to know someone who is a Walken,  do you?”

“As a matter of fact...I…..cowbell…”

With the utterance of the trigger word ‘cowbell,  I fell into a deep trance-like state,  falling ever so slightly into the trance,  blissfully letting my own will and mind slip away as I focussed on the cowbell that my friend was holding.

The effect the cowbell had on me was powerful and entrancing,  sending jolts of energy throughout my body.    My thoughts started to shift,  becoming filled with thoughts of bloodlust, dancing and cowbell.   As the blood moon peered out from behind the clouds, I couldn’t help but let out a growl.

My jeans slowly but surely peeled and ripped apart and reformed into a pair of elegant dark grey dress pants as my belt snapped off to be replaced with dark grey Hessian styled belt.   My legs slimmed down and elongated,  becoming thinner and more lithe as a pale skintone crept up them,  with a series of cracking noises they shifted to become more Walken-like as my shoes and socks melted off my feet and were replaced by a pair of elegant black dress shoes.

From within,  my DNA was radically altering,  changing from human DNA to the parahuman DNA of a Walken as my senses heightened and my strength and agility increased to inhuman levels.   A low growl emitted from my stomach as my appetite shifted to a more bloodthirsty one,   human food and drinks didn’t mean anything to me - all I longed for was blood and more cowbell and to be ever so loyal and Walkeny.

There was another series of cracking sounds as my arms were the next slowly stretch, elongating,  becoming longer and thinner as the pale skintone crept up them,  my fingers grew longer and thinner as my knuckles sharpened, becoming more pronounced.   My fingernails lengthened and sharpened in the process,  becoming like claws.

“Nathan...are you changing?”

“Yes….rr….”

All skin imperfections faded away as my white shirt and jacket slowly peeled and tore away and then reformed into an elegant dark grey dress shirt and coat as the same series of supernatural sensations jolted through my body.

My shoulders,  chest and torso all slimmed down, slenderized and Walkenized to become more Walken-like as the pale skintone from before crept upwards.  I elevated from my normal height to 6’ft,  becoming more lithe in the process.

I was feeling more and more Walken-like as the Walken-like traits and instincts began to take hold,  my human mindset shifting to a more Walken-like one as I developed the desires to sing,  dance,  act,  roar,  growl and to hunt for blood and cowbell...my mood gradually becoming a lot more cheerful and energetic in the process of the transformation.

I felt a tingling sensation at the back of my head as my hair slowly prickled upon, developing a Walkeny texture to it and turning sandy brown,  my eyebrows thinning out and turning the same colour.   My neckline elongated to grow longer and thinner,  as the pale skintone from before crept up it.

I looked down at my dear friend as my eyes turned from hazel brown to icy blue with dark green inner rings before they spread out,  becoming narrower and slightly sunken - taking on that almond shape and also quite heavily lidded.   They also became rather hypnotic as they gave off a supernatural glow.

He couldn’t help but be amazed by my changing physiognomy ,  from the pale skin that once was normal human skin,   to my majestic patrician height… ..I was becoming more beautiful with each change.

I moaned a few times and each time I did,  it sounded like a series of low growls as more and more Walken-like instincts began taking over.   My nose slowly altered in shape to become Walken-like,   as my forehead elevated and grew higher up -  giving me a Walken-like forehead.

The structure of my head shape slowly shifted to become leonine and elegant, also shifting a little to  become narrower and more quasi- Brachy/mesoian/dolichokephalian in shape.   

“Naaathan….you’re starting to look like Christopher Walken…”

“Aaaawrrrr...yessss...I am.”

I smiled slightly as my lips thinned out before curving into a semi cresentian shape with the tips become pointed,   I licked my lips as my teeth lengthened and sharpened with my canine teeth extending to become fangs as the rest of my teeth became pointed and Hessian-like.

My cheekbones became more pronounced as my cheeks themselves shifted to become more hollow,   the pale skintone from before now replacing the normal human skintone I would have on my face as my chin narrowed a little,   causing my jaw-line to shift and become more angular.

The last thing to change was  my voice as it slowly deepened with each breath, becoming deeper and gravellier,  before also shifting to become more hypnotic and distinctive  -  developing that more Walken-like tone and style to it.   Now I had the voice of Walken to match my Walken-like appearance as my Walken-like instincts fully took over,   completing my transformation.   I let out a proud,  fierce Walken-like roar and I did a dance number,  now finally free of my human form once and for all.

My friend couldn’t believe his eyes,  there I was -  standing before him as a Walken and he was still entranced by the whole thing,   he looked up and gasped slightly but not of shock but in a more awestruck way.    

“You’re one of them?”

“Yes...my human friend,  I am a Walken.”

“You are?”

“Yes...my name is Christopher...you may call me Chris.”

“Wow...a real Walken!

“Yes….I  am a real Walken and now I shall make your dream come true.”

“You mean i’ll get to be a Walken too?”

“Oh yes...you will..”

I picked up the cowbell which was attached to a pendant of sorts and wrapped it around my friend’s neck,   it made a series of hypnotic tinking sounds as it swayed around.   Each time it did,  my friend fell deeper and deeper into a trance-like state until he was completely entranced.   I lightly scratched him with my long clawed fingernails and growled softly.

“Chris...master….I….”

“Shhh...rest my young soon to be Walken,  and dream of being a Walken like me.  Let your dreams be filled with all sorts of Walkeny imagery.”

“Yesss...master.”

In a matter of seconds my best friend fell fast asleep as a black velveteen blanket materialized before him, wrapping itself around him until he was snug,  safe and sound and cozy.   His dreams became filled with the desire to be a Walken and to follow me around as my obedient Walkenized minion.    He even growled softly in his sleep as he had those dreams.

I left him there in peace as I slinked off into the night to find some more people to convert into happy, blissful,  enchanting Walkens.    A few hours later he woke up,  and looked at his reflection to see himself fully transformed into a beautiful alpha male Walken.

“Did my young Walken sleep well?”

“Oh yes,  master.”

“Did you dream of being a Walken?”

“I sure did!  It was wonderful.”

“Come young Walken,  the night is young...it’s time to go and find you some humans to hypnotize so that you can help me add them to my army.”

“Let’s go,   I can’t wait!”

With that the two of us slinked off into the night to go and hypnotize some more humans in hopes of making them into Walkens.   The night had just begun but still the aura of Walken had already filled the air.

I’m not really sure if it was really a dream or if it was real,  but one thing for sure is that it truly was magical.    Maybe it was real after-all.   I mean anything is possible...even the existence of Walkens.    Maybe it was real after all.   I had finally found my happy place,  as a Walken to which I shall always be now and forever.