WB Spiel.

 Werebelushi:

I am just going to flat out say this...yes, I did act like an asshole when it came to a certain friend of mine deciding to leave me, I respected their decision but my heart just wasn't ready to take it.  I had known this person for a while now and even though it seemed that he/she/they didn't think much of this partnership as anything but roleplaying and bonding over interests but I thought of it as real and genuine, even though they didn't know much about me and we didn't get to know each-other.  I may called this person stuck up previously but that was that voice dark voice in my head that was telling that this friend didn't care for me and that they deserved it,   I believed that voice and I bitched about that friend, I re-edited the conversation I had with that person to make it look like they were the villain when the real villain was me.    Yes, I had them be forced to become Pokemon as a form of punishment in fic form but the thing was...while I did accept their decision to leave me, my heart wasn't,  it just wasn't and it was influenced by the dark voice.

That voice kept telling me 'screw them, they did nothing good for you. All they did was disappear and reappear over and over again and leave you with nothing', and that's not how I like to act,  no I don't like acting like this. Yes I am an asshole, everything on that Tumblr post is true, I do creepy song parodies about those specific people and re-edit conversations about them to make me look like the good guy, i' m a bad reason. The only reason I got in a spat with that one person was because I was offended by the whole fake virus thing, i'm sorry but I just don't get why this one person thinks it was fetishizing covid19 or whatever it is, I understand that they were very concerned about it and I respect that, but it sounded like they were coming across as a Karen, yes I get that you're concerned but really they could have said it in a way that didn't sound like I triggered them.   The person who used to be my friend could have given the last conversation in a way that didn't sounded bipolar,  because that's what it sounded like to me.  I respect that person, but I understand where they were coming from,  I vilified them and also their friends just because they left me and for doing something which offended me, yes I am weird and creepy and get obsessed.  I treated this person like they are an object to own and not a person,  I treated them horribly.

I guess I can't take rejection,  I always take someone leaving me as 'welp, this person hates me. Time to write an awful hate-fic about them but it's not really them since they have a different name but it's still them anyway' and I take being blocked as 'Welp. It's clear this person finds me horrible/creepy/weird and I can't say I disagree with them but at the same time I feel pissed off.'   I can understand it most of the time if people find me creepy or a little too obsessive, that's just who I am, I can't help it.  I wish there was a better coping mechanism than simply getting revenge.