Tale Of The Missionary Man
Tale Of The Missionary Man
Dan Aykroyd TF.
NOTE:
This is another tale of my character turning into Dan Aykroyd as it is told from his perspective, for best effect basically imagine that the second and middle half of the stories are told by Aykroyd himself and he is describing discovering himself in the same way that he describes his supernatural encounters, Aykroydisms and all. Imagine it's him telling this part of the story. And also there are nods to a couple of songs and also to The Shape Of Water, and it is based on the song Missionary Man and has autobiographical elements.
~~~~~~~~~~
Every story has someone to tell it and pass it on to their friends and family and in this case it's me...hello dear readers. As you all know I am Monstermaster13, your narrator here. I was born an original sinner, I was born from original sin, and if I had a dollar bill for everything I had done, there would be a mountain of money pilled up to my chin. I'm not perfect, nobody is...if anything I am a misunderstood artist/DA-Verse user who got treated like a laughing stock for several years within the DA-Verse because of my ideas and how I tried too hard to be edgy. Yeah, my Drmusic2-1 era wasn't my best era and it was pretty freaking terrible. My work has improved since then and well...I don't listen to what anyone says, i'm sorry but the assumption that the majority of characters who get transformed in episodes of Tales From The Web are people I like is a stupid one. I mean...they were internet trolls, bullies, scumbags, the kind of people who would call you out for some stupid reason even though they don't care about you only to try and post humiliating things about you to others or at least attempt to, you're not supposed to sympathize with someone that targets you for no reason, they're not the heroes. What? Did they think I like those type of people? Ick. I would rather share a room with Donald Trump and his administration than deal with people like that again.
Expecting me to route for people like that is like expecting me to route for a character like Walter Peck or Biff Tannen. It doesn't matter how many 'Biff is the real hero' or 'Peck was right' reddit posts you make, you still wouldn't be able to make me route for people like that, besides this is a homage to Tales From The Crypt and everytime a character got their comeuppance on that show or in the comics, they deserved it, well most of the time. Because guess what? Nobody ever felt bad for say Ezra Thorntonberry. In later seasons, I actually have focused my stories on people who are sympathetic as opposed to who I used to be, i've changed since the 'ol' days you know. Anyway, this is about me and not about them. You hear a lot of posts about people who have their own celebrity twin or twin soul, for years I had been searching for a famous person who could be my twin in terms of personality traits, i'm a socially awkward type who likes monsters and paranormal things and also am a bit of a theater geek. I was after all a choir member in the local production of Joseph...while a choir member was a good enough job for me, let's face it I really wish I could have been Pharaoh. Pharaoh gets the best songs. I was looking on my computer for celebrity twin stories while also watching SNL best of compilations, my taste in comedy is complicated. I love SNL, always have and i'm an SNL fan and view the OG cast as being like a group of school friends. Everyone has an SNL member they are similar to or has a friend who is similar to that cast member. My group of friends was the exception, we had a Murray and a Belushi but we didn't have a Chevy...and thank goodness, nobody likes a Chevy Chase type...not even Chevy himself, no offense to Chevy of course. But which one was I? I was certain I was likely a Murray. I mean everyone likes Bill..I certainly do. That night while I was watching the compliation, I was thinking about that personality test I took in which I got John Belushi as a result and I was wondering...'Was that really true'? 'Was that the result they went with'? Going through all the possible results was quite interesting to say the least.
It wasn't until a few seconds later that I realized that I did have a twin in the most unlikely choice...Dan Aykroyd, although I wasn't entirely sure why though I did realize I have more than a few things in common with him. At this point watching him in movies is like looking in a mirror...albeit one from another dimension that is. But who's to say mirrors like that don't exist in our dimension? I mean as crazy as this seems it really seems very possible for a mirror of the sort to exist in this precist dimension and I happen to be looking into mine as we speak. Okay...I just realized how much that sounded like something Dan Aykroyd would say. Speaking of Dan, a spectral entity emerged from the screen and manifested before me, I know I know..using 'spectral entity' to describe a ghost sounds Aykroyd-like, I figured that out too. The spirit took on a familiar shape and form, turning into Dan himself as he smiled at me.
"Yes, I have found you."
"Dan Aykroyd?"
"Hello Nathan...I am glad to have found you."
'Uhhhh...hi. Not that i'm not glad to have you around or anything, it's just what are you doing here?"
"Well you said earlier you were looking for your twin."
"My celebrity twin, yes."
"Well...i'm that twin."
"No offense but I don't think we're anything alike."
"You may think that there's nothing remotely similar between the two of us, but there is."
"We have the same personalities?"
"Yes..."
I blushed a little, looking away from Dan. I never considered myself to be anything like him up until now but now I was thinking that it was possible that he was right...well of course he was right, would Dan Aykroyd ever steer anybody wrong? Of course not. Thinking of it now I guess I was similar to him, he was right...I had found my twin. 'How can you be sure that you're my twin though?' 'Well...I can show you if you like.' Most people probably think i'm weird for doing this and that this is going to lead to something weird, which it is...but you know me, how could I say no to him? Dan's the man, man. 'Go on...but how?' He took on a translucent form, gesturing for me to open my mouth which I did and he dove right into it and down my throat, possessing me in the process. What can I say...I love me a possession scene, I blame Casper for that. I've always been a little weird but hey...i'm exotic that way, you'll never find another me around here. An 1980's obsessed horror fan who is also a Goofy Goober. I'm a Goofy Goober! You're a Goofy Goober! We're all Goofy Goobers! Being possessed is always kind of funny, the funny feeling you get when a spectral entity enters your body and takes over you, and you don't know exactly where it is going to do, at least not by any means...and hey, I just had another Aykroydian spiel. He must be starting to take over already...my stomach gurgled loudly but not too loudly as it swelled, my skin clearing up as I gained a ruddy complexion and my arms broadened, my hands slowly undergoing an alteration as they enlarged. I couldn't help but watch myself transform.
The process of transformation is fascinating really, those Animorphs covers were so awesome I once attempted to mimic them myself, they weren't perfect but at least I tried, I mean the process of ones own DNA altering and contorting along with your appearance, vocal mannerisms and everything else just seemed intriguing to me...losing yourself to someone else, now that's what keeps me going. You may not think that it makes sense but in the Aykroydian sense I am perfectly content, don't exorcise me i'm already possessed...like Dan i'm perfectly fine...haven't lost my mind. My chest and torso broadened as some brown hairs slowly sprouted on the top of the former and on my arms and down to my navel area....there I go again with the Aykroydian babble. I should make that a word...if it isn't a word yet I shall make it one. I sighed contently as my signature royal dark blue outfit with the spider web insignia on it altered to fit my new build...which looked good on me. My legs broadened a little bit as my feet grew, a tingling sensation surfaced in them as two of the toes on both feet fused, making them appear to be webbed. I've always been a big fan of fish-people in general, so having webbed toes made me feel like I was partially a fish-person anyway...because who wouldn't want to fall in love with a fish-man? If there's anything that Guilermo Del Toro was taught us, it's that it's very possible to fall in love with an aquatic monster.
I chuckled a little bit as my back and shoulders broadened and I slowly went up in height to 6'1, as my neckline altered...my hair shorted a little but became a bit wavier as a pair of clean cut sideburns manifested on my cheeks, my brow growing a little bit higher up as my eyebrows thickened, my eyes undergoing an interesting alteration as one remained brown while the other turned a vibrant shade of green, that's heterochromia...two different colored eyes, just another interesting trait Aykroyd himself has. My eyes widened, I like this change...it gives me a wide-eyed innocent look...which to be honest is another thing Aykroyd is good at, seriously...he's the most adorable thing ever. My nose broadened a little bit, it itched a little but I didn't want to scratch it, but I did sneeze a little..don't worry, like any sane reasonable person I coughed into my elbow. All those dreams about Dan Aykroyd and of turning into him, mmmm...yes I remember all of them, I remember him possessing me in all of them and I remember the moral I learned from them. Dan's a man with a mission, got a serious side That one dream I had in which I had psychic powers and had a premonition, there was a woman in the jungle and a monkey on a tree, and like the missionary man that he was, Dan was following me. And I remember exactly what he said, he said to me....'Stop right there, get down on your knees. I've got a message for you that you better believe.'
My features slowly altered and reshaped themselves into a perfect likeness of Dan's features as my lips became a bit more kissable, I had a genuinely adorable look to me and you know I think Dan was right, we are so similar to each-other anyway. I couldn't help but break out into a dance number, perfectly mimicking his moves and showing off my best moves in the process...whew, what a rush. My voice deepened a little bit and altered, becoming in tune with my appearance and shifting, developing a distinctive rapid fire delivery and a deadpan style to it but also with a bit of playfulness as well as a Canadian accent. I was thinking it was the accent I was born with since I was born in Ottawa afterall. And hey, i'm already starting to think like him. My voice now sounded exactly like his as my mind and personality altered, I was gaining Dan's memories as well and to me that sounded natural...it didn't come across as weird at all, and what on defines as weird is what I define as normal.
I always knew that there were creatures under my bed and in my house, I always knew they were there...my mother didn't, but she played along...bless her heart. The creatures luckily were friendly and they came in peace. And to think I used to be afraid of them, now I know that the monsters are my friends and so are the ghosts..you could say that I ain't afraid of no ghost. Yes, i'm that weird but to me that's normal. A few seconds later my mind and personality altered, giving me Dan's ones and making me think I had always born as him, at least that's what my driver's license says...it says Daniel Edward Aykroyd, but let's face it...everyone calls me Danny, or Dan...or Elwood, or Ray, or Roman Craig. You may look at me like i'm from Valkenvania and think that i'm a total conehead but I assure you, i'm not as demented as everyone says I am. I just dream of all sorts of weird and unusual things, I dream of rain, I dream of gardens in the desert sand. I awake in vain. I dream of love as time runs through my hands, I dream of fire...dreams that tie to a horse that will never tire. And in the flames, her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire. My desert rose, each of her veils is a secret promise.
This desert flower of mine I could never part with (and no sweet perfume ever tortured me more than that), and as she turned, the way she moves in the logic of all those dreams...so fascinating. Of course my desert rose has a name, it's Donna Dixon. Ah, I wonder if Donna is reading this now and imagining me singing this. Donna? Donna? She'll find out eventually, but it's no secret I love him. Oh, I forgot to introduce myself....I am Dan Aykroyd, nice to meet you. I know, I know..it's surreal, you just saw me morph into who I am earlier, but I found it fascinating, I always do. It's like looking into a transdimensional mirror, and I am willing to bet that much like UFOs and other supernatural entities, that those exist. There I go again with the Aykroydisms...heh heh.
"So how does it feel?"
"Pretty good all things considering this is who I naturally am."
"That's right, told ya we had a lot in common."
Naturally I was right...because would I ever steer you wrong on anything? Okay okay, so I was wrong about the release dates for Ghostbusters 3 but those were just a few times in which my psychic abilities weren't entirely on point. But I did learn from the best, my father and also from my mother. My mother told me good, she told me strong..be true to yourself and you can't go wrong, but there's one thing that you all must understand, you can fool with your siblings...but don't mess with a missionary man, and i'm that missionary man. Don't you know mess with a missionary man now, and thus I bring you the moral of the tale. Be true to yourself and you can't go wrong, but there is one thing you should understand.
You can fool with your brother or your sister but you don't mess with a missionary man.
Dan Aykroyd TF.
NOTE:
This is another tale of my character turning into Dan Aykroyd as it is told from his perspective, for best effect basically imagine that the second and middle half of the stories are told by Aykroyd himself and he is describing discovering himself in the same way that he describes his supernatural encounters, Aykroydisms and all. Imagine it's him telling this part of the story. And also there are nods to a couple of songs and also to The Shape Of Water, and it is based on the song Missionary Man and has autobiographical elements.
~~~~~~~~~~
Every story has someone to tell it and pass it on to their friends and family and in this case it's me...hello dear readers. As you all know I am Monstermaster13, your narrator here. I was born an original sinner, I was born from original sin, and if I had a dollar bill for everything I had done, there would be a mountain of money pilled up to my chin. I'm not perfect, nobody is...if anything I am a misunderstood artist/DA-Verse user who got treated like a laughing stock for several years within the DA-Verse because of my ideas and how I tried too hard to be edgy. Yeah, my Drmusic2-1 era wasn't my best era and it was pretty freaking terrible. My work has improved since then and well...I don't listen to what anyone says, i'm sorry but the assumption that the majority of characters who get transformed in episodes of Tales From The Web are people I like is a stupid one. I mean...they were internet trolls, bullies, scumbags, the kind of people who would call you out for some stupid reason even though they don't care about you only to try and post humiliating things about you to others or at least attempt to, you're not supposed to sympathize with someone that targets you for no reason, they're not the heroes. What? Did they think I like those type of people? Ick. I would rather share a room with Donald Trump and his administration than deal with people like that again.
Expecting me to route for people like that is like expecting me to route for a character like Walter Peck or Biff Tannen. It doesn't matter how many 'Biff is the real hero' or 'Peck was right' reddit posts you make, you still wouldn't be able to make me route for people like that, besides this is a homage to Tales From The Crypt and everytime a character got their comeuppance on that show or in the comics, they deserved it, well most of the time. Because guess what? Nobody ever felt bad for say Ezra Thorntonberry. In later seasons, I actually have focused my stories on people who are sympathetic as opposed to who I used to be, i've changed since the 'ol' days you know. Anyway, this is about me and not about them. You hear a lot of posts about people who have their own celebrity twin or twin soul, for years I had been searching for a famous person who could be my twin in terms of personality traits, i'm a socially awkward type who likes monsters and paranormal things and also am a bit of a theater geek. I was after all a choir member in the local production of Joseph...while a choir member was a good enough job for me, let's face it I really wish I could have been Pharaoh. Pharaoh gets the best songs. I was looking on my computer for celebrity twin stories while also watching SNL best of compilations, my taste in comedy is complicated. I love SNL, always have and i'm an SNL fan and view the OG cast as being like a group of school friends. Everyone has an SNL member they are similar to or has a friend who is similar to that cast member. My group of friends was the exception, we had a Murray and a Belushi but we didn't have a Chevy...and thank goodness, nobody likes a Chevy Chase type...not even Chevy himself, no offense to Chevy of course. But which one was I? I was certain I was likely a Murray. I mean everyone likes Bill..I certainly do. That night while I was watching the compliation, I was thinking about that personality test I took in which I got John Belushi as a result and I was wondering...'Was that really true'? 'Was that the result they went with'? Going through all the possible results was quite interesting to say the least.
It wasn't until a few seconds later that I realized that I did have a twin in the most unlikely choice...Dan Aykroyd, although I wasn't entirely sure why though I did realize I have more than a few things in common with him. At this point watching him in movies is like looking in a mirror...albeit one from another dimension that is. But who's to say mirrors like that don't exist in our dimension? I mean as crazy as this seems it really seems very possible for a mirror of the sort to exist in this precist dimension and I happen to be looking into mine as we speak. Okay...I just realized how much that sounded like something Dan Aykroyd would say. Speaking of Dan, a spectral entity emerged from the screen and manifested before me, I know I know..using 'spectral entity' to describe a ghost sounds Aykroyd-like, I figured that out too. The spirit took on a familiar shape and form, turning into Dan himself as he smiled at me.
"Yes, I have found you."
"Dan Aykroyd?"
"Hello Nathan...I am glad to have found you."
'Uhhhh...hi. Not that i'm not glad to have you around or anything, it's just what are you doing here?"
"Well you said earlier you were looking for your twin."
"My celebrity twin, yes."
"Well...i'm that twin."
"No offense but I don't think we're anything alike."
"You may think that there's nothing remotely similar between the two of us, but there is."
"We have the same personalities?"
"Yes..."
I blushed a little, looking away from Dan. I never considered myself to be anything like him up until now but now I was thinking that it was possible that he was right...well of course he was right, would Dan Aykroyd ever steer anybody wrong? Of course not. Thinking of it now I guess I was similar to him, he was right...I had found my twin. 'How can you be sure that you're my twin though?' 'Well...I can show you if you like.' Most people probably think i'm weird for doing this and that this is going to lead to something weird, which it is...but you know me, how could I say no to him? Dan's the man, man. 'Go on...but how?' He took on a translucent form, gesturing for me to open my mouth which I did and he dove right into it and down my throat, possessing me in the process. What can I say...I love me a possession scene, I blame Casper for that. I've always been a little weird but hey...i'm exotic that way, you'll never find another me around here. An 1980's obsessed horror fan who is also a Goofy Goober. I'm a Goofy Goober! You're a Goofy Goober! We're all Goofy Goobers! Being possessed is always kind of funny, the funny feeling you get when a spectral entity enters your body and takes over you, and you don't know exactly where it is going to do, at least not by any means...and hey, I just had another Aykroydian spiel. He must be starting to take over already...my stomach gurgled loudly but not too loudly as it swelled, my skin clearing up as I gained a ruddy complexion and my arms broadened, my hands slowly undergoing an alteration as they enlarged. I couldn't help but watch myself transform.
The process of transformation is fascinating really, those Animorphs covers were so awesome I once attempted to mimic them myself, they weren't perfect but at least I tried, I mean the process of ones own DNA altering and contorting along with your appearance, vocal mannerisms and everything else just seemed intriguing to me...losing yourself to someone else, now that's what keeps me going. You may not think that it makes sense but in the Aykroydian sense I am perfectly content, don't exorcise me i'm already possessed...like Dan i'm perfectly fine...haven't lost my mind. My chest and torso broadened as some brown hairs slowly sprouted on the top of the former and on my arms and down to my navel area....there I go again with the Aykroydian babble. I should make that a word...if it isn't a word yet I shall make it one. I sighed contently as my signature royal dark blue outfit with the spider web insignia on it altered to fit my new build...which looked good on me. My legs broadened a little bit as my feet grew, a tingling sensation surfaced in them as two of the toes on both feet fused, making them appear to be webbed. I've always been a big fan of fish-people in general, so having webbed toes made me feel like I was partially a fish-person anyway...because who wouldn't want to fall in love with a fish-man? If there's anything that Guilermo Del Toro was taught us, it's that it's very possible to fall in love with an aquatic monster.
I chuckled a little bit as my back and shoulders broadened and I slowly went up in height to 6'1, as my neckline altered...my hair shorted a little but became a bit wavier as a pair of clean cut sideburns manifested on my cheeks, my brow growing a little bit higher up as my eyebrows thickened, my eyes undergoing an interesting alteration as one remained brown while the other turned a vibrant shade of green, that's heterochromia...two different colored eyes, just another interesting trait Aykroyd himself has. My eyes widened, I like this change...it gives me a wide-eyed innocent look...which to be honest is another thing Aykroyd is good at, seriously...he's the most adorable thing ever. My nose broadened a little bit, it itched a little but I didn't want to scratch it, but I did sneeze a little..don't worry, like any sane reasonable person I coughed into my elbow. All those dreams about Dan Aykroyd and of turning into him, mmmm...yes I remember all of them, I remember him possessing me in all of them and I remember the moral I learned from them. Dan's a man with a mission, got a serious side That one dream I had in which I had psychic powers and had a premonition, there was a woman in the jungle and a monkey on a tree, and like the missionary man that he was, Dan was following me. And I remember exactly what he said, he said to me....'Stop right there, get down on your knees. I've got a message for you that you better believe.'
My features slowly altered and reshaped themselves into a perfect likeness of Dan's features as my lips became a bit more kissable, I had a genuinely adorable look to me and you know I think Dan was right, we are so similar to each-other anyway. I couldn't help but break out into a dance number, perfectly mimicking his moves and showing off my best moves in the process...whew, what a rush. My voice deepened a little bit and altered, becoming in tune with my appearance and shifting, developing a distinctive rapid fire delivery and a deadpan style to it but also with a bit of playfulness as well as a Canadian accent. I was thinking it was the accent I was born with since I was born in Ottawa afterall. And hey, i'm already starting to think like him. My voice now sounded exactly like his as my mind and personality altered, I was gaining Dan's memories as well and to me that sounded natural...it didn't come across as weird at all, and what on defines as weird is what I define as normal.
I always knew that there were creatures under my bed and in my house, I always knew they were there...my mother didn't, but she played along...bless her heart. The creatures luckily were friendly and they came in peace. And to think I used to be afraid of them, now I know that the monsters are my friends and so are the ghosts..you could say that I ain't afraid of no ghost. Yes, i'm that weird but to me that's normal. A few seconds later my mind and personality altered, giving me Dan's ones and making me think I had always born as him, at least that's what my driver's license says...it says Daniel Edward Aykroyd, but let's face it...everyone calls me Danny, or Dan...or Elwood, or Ray, or Roman Craig. You may look at me like i'm from Valkenvania and think that i'm a total conehead but I assure you, i'm not as demented as everyone says I am. I just dream of all sorts of weird and unusual things, I dream of rain, I dream of gardens in the desert sand. I awake in vain. I dream of love as time runs through my hands, I dream of fire...dreams that tie to a horse that will never tire. And in the flames, her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire. My desert rose, each of her veils is a secret promise.
This desert flower of mine I could never part with (and no sweet perfume ever tortured me more than that), and as she turned, the way she moves in the logic of all those dreams...so fascinating. Of course my desert rose has a name, it's Donna Dixon. Ah, I wonder if Donna is reading this now and imagining me singing this. Donna? Donna? She'll find out eventually, but it's no secret I love him. Oh, I forgot to introduce myself....I am Dan Aykroyd, nice to meet you. I know, I know..it's surreal, you just saw me morph into who I am earlier, but I found it fascinating, I always do. It's like looking into a transdimensional mirror, and I am willing to bet that much like UFOs and other supernatural entities, that those exist. There I go again with the Aykroydisms...heh heh.
"So how does it feel?"
"Pretty good all things considering this is who I naturally am."
"That's right, told ya we had a lot in common."
Naturally I was right...because would I ever steer you wrong on anything? Okay okay, so I was wrong about the release dates for Ghostbusters 3 but those were just a few times in which my psychic abilities weren't entirely on point. But I did learn from the best, my father and also from my mother. My mother told me good, she told me strong..be true to yourself and you can't go wrong, but there's one thing that you all must understand, you can fool with your siblings...but don't mess with a missionary man, and i'm that missionary man. Don't you know mess with a missionary man now, and thus I bring you the moral of the tale. Be true to yourself and you can't go wrong, but there is one thing you should understand.
You can fool with your brother or your sister but you don't mess with a missionary man.
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