Becoming Walken
Becoming Walken
NOTE:
This is the sequel to ‘Becoming Stallone’ and takes place before Jon is introduced in the Walken story-arc. It also is told from the point of view of my character as he is turned into Christopher Walken, this also has a hypnosis theme to it. Please note that this is fictional and if you think this is real you are clearly in need of an enema, scratch that - make that an enema, a straitjacket and then another enema.
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It was late in the middle of the autumn of 2013 and I had just returned from a long trip to the paranormal experts convention, nothing out of the ordinary happened apart from a few people being turned into werecreatures, an alien invasion and a war between werecats and werecanines which resulted in mass hysteria. But I did make lots of new friends there.
I’m normally used to receiving interesting pieces of fan-mail in the post but this was most peculiar, when I opened up my newest parcel - I found something a little bit odder than usual, a cowbell. Now what was a cowbell doing here, you ask? I don’t know...I don’t even remember ever seeing it. In fact I didn’t even order one.
I looked at the cowbell and examined it, it seemed to be a golden brown colour with red highlights and as I touched it, it made a gentle ‘tink, tink, tinking’ sound which was quite cute. I put the cowbell aside while I cleaned up the rest of my room.
“Huh? A cowbell? What the hell is a cowbell doing here?”
“Tink, tink, tink.”
“Ummm...hello? I didn’t order a cowbell! Please, someone - explain to me why there’s a cowbell here! I mean come on, please, answer me!”
“Tink, tink, tink…”
“I mean it’s not like i’m Christopher Walken or anything, because...yeah right, like I would wish to be Christopher Walken. I mean i’m not going to make the mistake I did with the Stallone case from last time.”
“Tink, tink, tink…”
“I mean there is no way you are going to hear me - I wish I was Christopher Walken!”
“Tink, tink, tink...wish granted.”
Just then the cowbell started glowing an eerie blue as it levitated in thin air as if by magic, the tinking sound repeating itself even more, this time becoming slightly hypnotic and echoing throughout the room.
“Aaaw man! I just said that! I am such a moron sometimes!”
“Tink, tink, tink..”
“What the? How the trucking hell is the cowbell levitating all by itself?”
“Tink , tink, tink...tink….Walken.”
“Oh no...nooo...I didn’t mean it, it was just a joke, please!”
“You meant it. You said that you wished to be Christopher Walken. And I, the spirit of the cowbell have granted it for you.”
“Yeah, but it’s not like I wish to be completely Christopher Walken on the inside and out, because I fear if I did I would end up losing all of what makes me me.”
“Tink, tink, tink! Oh but you will, a complete Walkenization is what you asked for and you will get one.”
“Nooo...I didn’t mean it! I...i...i..I can’t believe I said that! I should really learn not to make such a total fool of myself!”
“Everyone makes mistakes, but not Walken…”
“But i’m NOT Walken! I wish for you to cancel the wish.”
“It’s too late, once the wish for Walkenity has been granted - it will happen.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it! I...i...i….I gotta have more cowbell! Oh no, did I really just say that? Oh no, it’s starting!”
“Tink, tink...tink…”
I covered my mouth in absolute shock, not only did I just say the ‘More Cowbell’ line from the Blue Oyster Cult skit on SNL but I did it involuntarily too, as if I was being affected by the cowbell’s spirits powers.
I started to feel so weird and disoriented, all I ever could think about was that cowbell and the ‘tinking’ sound it made, all I wanted to do was listen to it, whether I wanted to or not. I panicked a little as a new set of thoughts started flowing through my mind, thoughts of cooking, acting, singing, dancing...and cowbell.
“What’s going on? Why am I suddenly thinking about wanting to cook chicken with pears and putting it on youtube?”
“Tink, tink...relax, you are being converted and conditioned.”
“But these aren’t my normal thoughts. I have never in my whole life thought about dancing in a hotel to a Fatboy Slim song.”
“Oh, but you are now...admit it, you’re thinking of being so Walkeny right now.”
“No, i’m not. I’m not Walken...i’m a normal sane human being.”
“Oh, but you are...you are slowly but surely becoming more and more Walkeny, your mind is Walkenizing.”
“I can’t believe this!”
“Tink, tink, tink…”
I tried to grab the cowbell and exercise the cowbell spirit from it, but something prevented me from doing so. I groaned slightly in agony as I slowly but surely began to change, pain slowly jolting through my whole body.
There was a slight cracking sound as my legs slowly shifted, becoming longer and thinner and stretching as a pale skintone crept up my legs, I recognized the skintone as none other than that of Walken as my black pants ripped apart to reform into a much longer pair of black pants with a grey belt snaking itself around my waist.
“Oh my god! My legs!”
“Your legs are looking wonderful and graceful, Walken.”
“I’m NOT Christopher Walken!”
“Oh? But this change of yours is proving otherwise. I mean just look at your legs!”
I panicked slightly and tried to call for help or at least to try and get rid of the cowbell or to block out its sound but it was no use, it was seeping through into my entire brain, so much so it was making it difficult for me to think.
My shoes and socks slowly melted away as my shoes hardened and turned black, changing into a pair of elegant black dress shoes. My feet, legs and my entire lower body had shifted to those of Walken.
I heard another disconcerting cracking sound as my arms also slowly shifted, growing longer and thinner, the pale skintone crept up them as all my skin imperfections faded away - my grey shirt and cardigan ripped apart to reform into an elegant white shirt and a slick black jacket. My shoulders, chest and torso thinned becoming much more lithe as the pale skintone crept up them as well as my back.
The transformation hurt like hell but yet...I didn’t mind the pain, no...contrary to what you may think, it actually felt...quite nice, in fact it felt lovely, I didn’t mind the fact that now my entire upperbody was also that of Walken or that my fingers were much longer or that I had Walken’s skin-tone.
“You’re right….maybe I am Walken.”
“Of course you are, you ARE Walken. This is your dream, your wish come true.”
“It feels...soooo….goood…”
“Of course it does, and the more you give in and embrace the change, the more Walkeny you become.”
Come to think of it, the entire process did feel pretty relaxing - even if it now seemed that everything in the entire room was smaller to me, like everything was shrinking but I was growing taller.
Of course the latter was only due to me stretching and growing taller in height until I was at 6’ft which was of course Walken’s height. I moaned slightly as the pale Walken skintone crept up my neck, making my neckline extend to become longer and thinner, slenderizing it to become Walken’s neck.
My mind filled with more thoughts of the Walken variety, I was starting to get memories from roles Walken had played himself, such as being an evil archangel, the two little mice speech, the tooth fairy speech, being a Bond villain, being a Hessian soldier, even gaining the desire to drive a car into oncoming traffic and anticipate the fatal crash/explosion. I was even now remembering a story about a gold watch which I remembered hiding up my behind for two years.
I remembered my first break in musical theater and appearing in a movie with Steve Martin where I did a dance number, I even remembered dancing in a hotel room to a Fatboy Slim song.
I welcomed all these new thoughts and memories with open arms, because it felt very natural, I was even getting memories of being in a political comedy with Robin Williams, of being Glenn Close’s husband - both normal and Stepford, of also being a romantic rival for Tia Carrere’s affection, and of also being in a comedy with Jack Black and Ben Stiller.
These were all Walken’s memories and they gave me several warm and fuzzy feelings as my hair slowly prickled up and turned sandy brown, my hair becoming Chris Walken’s hair, even right down to the style and texture.
“I love this!”
“I’m glad you like it, Christopher.”
I couldn’t help but admire my changing appearance as my eyebrows thinned out and turned the same colour as my hair, becoming Walken’s eyebrows. Walken’s pale skintone reaching my face as my ears flattened as they became Walken’s ears, my hearing increasing tenfold.
My eyes turned from hazel brown to blue with dark green inner rings as they spread out, becoming narrower and slightly sunken, making them Walken’s eyes. I was looking more and more Walken-like by the minute.
In addition to this my forehead tingled slightly as it elevated itself to be higher up, making it look more like Walken’s forehead. My ever-changing Walken-like features made me look more hypnotic in some way, very elegant mind you.
In the process my nose altered to resemble Walken’s nose as my jaw-line shifted to become more angular, causing my chin to narrow out slightly. I now had Walken’s eyes, chin, jawline, nose, and forehead, I looked more Walken-like than human, and I was thinking more Walken-like than before.
In addition to this my lips thinned a little, my mouth curving into a cresentian shape with pointed tips, curving my expression into a pseudo-grimace as my cheeks became slightly sunken, and my cheekbones became sharper and more pronounced, looking as sharp as my knuckles.
The facial structure was now shifting to be more brachy-ian/mesoian in shape, looking more Walken-like. I now looked completely like Christopher Walken, even right down to having the same facial structure.
Of course this wasn’t the last part of the transformation, my voice was next as it deepened, growing lower and deeper, also altering to become gravellier, more distinctive, and more hypnotic in tone.
In addition to this it was warping and harmonizing until it was Walken’s voice, even right down to the signature vocal tone, delivery and New York accent. I now had Christopher Walken’s voice to match with the appearance.
But the final part of the process was where my mind finally shifted, all of my thoughts and memories now being replaced by all the thoughts and memories of being a Ronald Walken or Christopher as I was now mostly commonly called, I prefered to be called Chris though. Ah yes, Chris Walken - a very fine name indeed. My transformation was now complete and I was Chris Walken.
“This is so wonderful. I’ve always wanted to be Walken!”
“And now your dream has come true.”
“Only one question remains though...who sent me this?”
Just then a humanoid demon-like messenger appeared before me, holding out a message bag of sorts - one of the messages was for me, it had the words For C.W on it, in blood red ink.
“Message from the Prince of Darkness, sir.”
“Very good..let's see!”
The messenger opened up the demon mail-bag and within seconds, the Prince Of Darkness himself materialized in front of me, revealing himself to be Jack Nicholson - looking like his demonic charismatic ‘Witches Of Eastwick’ character Daryl.
“Chris, my man. Congratulations on receiving your gift and getting in touch with your dark side. I’m very impressed!”
“Thanks, Jack - coming from you, that means a lot.”
“No problem, Chris. It was the least I could do after you hypnotized the local arena crew-men to give me tickets to the Lakers game!”
“No trouble at all, Jack. Btw...have you seen that meme in which you’re a crab having an extreme sleepover?”
“Yep. Sure have. Whoever invented that has a wicked sense of humour!”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“By the way, I love that video of you dancing in a hotel, oh and the supercut of you dancing is amazing. I’d hate to say it, but you’re even better than I am!”
“You mean it?”
“Oh hell yes!”
Nicholson flashed his signature trademark smile at me as I flashed my sly Walken smile back at him, nodding in approval. Here we were, Walken and Nicholson, two legendary creepy badass actors in the exact same room, just generally chatting and having a little bit of fun.
“You know I never thought I would enjoy this but now I do, I love being Walken! I just wish there was a way it could keep happening.”
“Oh, believe me...it will. If I know anything about you, Chris, it’s that over-time, you will become even more fascinated by this aspect.”
“Really?”
“Oh you betcha! And I have no doubt you will enjoy it! I hope you’ll send more more messages regarding your progress, I really enjoyed reading those!”
“Oh, I will. Say, wanna go hunting together?”
“Sounds good, my man. But i’m kind of got a full schedule. I’m off to go and frighten tourists at the Overlook Hotel!”
“See yaaa!”
With that, Nicholson turned into a Cheshire Cat and slowly but surely disappeared but not before leaving his signature smile as the only trace of his face. Later, he reappeared, manifesting himself at the entrance of the Overlook Hotel.
As for me, I grew to really enjoy being Christopher Walken, later on I became friends with Jon and Eliza who taught me how to embrace my Walken side even further. I guess it’s not scary being Walken after all.
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NOTE:
This is the sequel to ‘Becoming Stallone’ and takes place before Jon is introduced in the Walken story-arc. It also is told from the point of view of my character as he is turned into Christopher Walken, this also has a hypnosis theme to it. Please note that this is fictional and if you think this is real you are clearly in need of an enema, scratch that - make that an enema, a straitjacket and then another enema.
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It was late in the middle of the autumn of 2013 and I had just returned from a long trip to the paranormal experts convention, nothing out of the ordinary happened apart from a few people being turned into werecreatures, an alien invasion and a war between werecats and werecanines which resulted in mass hysteria. But I did make lots of new friends there.
I’m normally used to receiving interesting pieces of fan-mail in the post but this was most peculiar, when I opened up my newest parcel - I found something a little bit odder than usual, a cowbell. Now what was a cowbell doing here, you ask? I don’t know...I don’t even remember ever seeing it. In fact I didn’t even order one.
I looked at the cowbell and examined it, it seemed to be a golden brown colour with red highlights and as I touched it, it made a gentle ‘tink, tink, tinking’ sound which was quite cute. I put the cowbell aside while I cleaned up the rest of my room.
“Huh? A cowbell? What the hell is a cowbell doing here?”
“Tink, tink, tink.”
“Ummm...hello? I didn’t order a cowbell! Please, someone - explain to me why there’s a cowbell here! I mean come on, please, answer me!”
“Tink, tink, tink…”
“I mean it’s not like i’m Christopher Walken or anything, because...yeah right, like I would wish to be Christopher Walken. I mean i’m not going to make the mistake I did with the Stallone case from last time.”
“Tink, tink, tink…”
“I mean there is no way you are going to hear me - I wish I was Christopher Walken!”
“Tink, tink, tink...wish granted.”
Just then the cowbell started glowing an eerie blue as it levitated in thin air as if by magic, the tinking sound repeating itself even more, this time becoming slightly hypnotic and echoing throughout the room.
“Aaaw man! I just said that! I am such a moron sometimes!”
“Tink, tink, tink..”
“What the? How the trucking hell is the cowbell levitating all by itself?”
“Tink , tink, tink...tink….Walken.”
“Oh no...nooo...I didn’t mean it, it was just a joke, please!”
“You meant it. You said that you wished to be Christopher Walken. And I, the spirit of the cowbell have granted it for you.”
“Yeah, but it’s not like I wish to be completely Christopher Walken on the inside and out, because I fear if I did I would end up losing all of what makes me me.”
“Tink, tink, tink! Oh but you will, a complete Walkenization is what you asked for and you will get one.”
“Nooo...I didn’t mean it! I...i...i..I can’t believe I said that! I should really learn not to make such a total fool of myself!”
“Everyone makes mistakes, but not Walken…”
“But i’m NOT Walken! I wish for you to cancel the wish.”
“It’s too late, once the wish for Walkenity has been granted - it will happen.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it! I...i...i….I gotta have more cowbell! Oh no, did I really just say that? Oh no, it’s starting!”
“Tink, tink...tink…”
I covered my mouth in absolute shock, not only did I just say the ‘More Cowbell’ line from the Blue Oyster Cult skit on SNL but I did it involuntarily too, as if I was being affected by the cowbell’s spirits powers.
I started to feel so weird and disoriented, all I ever could think about was that cowbell and the ‘tinking’ sound it made, all I wanted to do was listen to it, whether I wanted to or not. I panicked a little as a new set of thoughts started flowing through my mind, thoughts of cooking, acting, singing, dancing...and cowbell.
“What’s going on? Why am I suddenly thinking about wanting to cook chicken with pears and putting it on youtube?”
“Tink, tink...relax, you are being converted and conditioned.”
“But these aren’t my normal thoughts. I have never in my whole life thought about dancing in a hotel to a Fatboy Slim song.”
“Oh, but you are now...admit it, you’re thinking of being so Walkeny right now.”
“No, i’m not. I’m not Walken...i’m a normal sane human being.”
“Oh, but you are...you are slowly but surely becoming more and more Walkeny, your mind is Walkenizing.”
“I can’t believe this!”
“Tink, tink, tink…”
I tried to grab the cowbell and exercise the cowbell spirit from it, but something prevented me from doing so. I groaned slightly in agony as I slowly but surely began to change, pain slowly jolting through my whole body.
There was a slight cracking sound as my legs slowly shifted, becoming longer and thinner and stretching as a pale skintone crept up my legs, I recognized the skintone as none other than that of Walken as my black pants ripped apart to reform into a much longer pair of black pants with a grey belt snaking itself around my waist.
“Oh my god! My legs!”
“Your legs are looking wonderful and graceful, Walken.”
“I’m NOT Christopher Walken!”
“Oh? But this change of yours is proving otherwise. I mean just look at your legs!”
I panicked slightly and tried to call for help or at least to try and get rid of the cowbell or to block out its sound but it was no use, it was seeping through into my entire brain, so much so it was making it difficult for me to think.
My shoes and socks slowly melted away as my shoes hardened and turned black, changing into a pair of elegant black dress shoes. My feet, legs and my entire lower body had shifted to those of Walken.
I heard another disconcerting cracking sound as my arms also slowly shifted, growing longer and thinner, the pale skintone crept up them as all my skin imperfections faded away - my grey shirt and cardigan ripped apart to reform into an elegant white shirt and a slick black jacket. My shoulders, chest and torso thinned becoming much more lithe as the pale skintone crept up them as well as my back.
The transformation hurt like hell but yet...I didn’t mind the pain, no...contrary to what you may think, it actually felt...quite nice, in fact it felt lovely, I didn’t mind the fact that now my entire upperbody was also that of Walken or that my fingers were much longer or that I had Walken’s skin-tone.
“You’re right….maybe I am Walken.”
“Of course you are, you ARE Walken. This is your dream, your wish come true.”
“It feels...soooo….goood…”
“Of course it does, and the more you give in and embrace the change, the more Walkeny you become.”
Come to think of it, the entire process did feel pretty relaxing - even if it now seemed that everything in the entire room was smaller to me, like everything was shrinking but I was growing taller.
Of course the latter was only due to me stretching and growing taller in height until I was at 6’ft which was of course Walken’s height. I moaned slightly as the pale Walken skintone crept up my neck, making my neckline extend to become longer and thinner, slenderizing it to become Walken’s neck.
My mind filled with more thoughts of the Walken variety, I was starting to get memories from roles Walken had played himself, such as being an evil archangel, the two little mice speech, the tooth fairy speech, being a Bond villain, being a Hessian soldier, even gaining the desire to drive a car into oncoming traffic and anticipate the fatal crash/explosion. I was even now remembering a story about a gold watch which I remembered hiding up my behind for two years.
I remembered my first break in musical theater and appearing in a movie with Steve Martin where I did a dance number, I even remembered dancing in a hotel room to a Fatboy Slim song.
I welcomed all these new thoughts and memories with open arms, because it felt very natural, I was even getting memories of being in a political comedy with Robin Williams, of being Glenn Close’s husband - both normal and Stepford, of also being a romantic rival for Tia Carrere’s affection, and of also being in a comedy with Jack Black and Ben Stiller.
These were all Walken’s memories and they gave me several warm and fuzzy feelings as my hair slowly prickled up and turned sandy brown, my hair becoming Chris Walken’s hair, even right down to the style and texture.
“I love this!”
“I’m glad you like it, Christopher.”
I couldn’t help but admire my changing appearance as my eyebrows thinned out and turned the same colour as my hair, becoming Walken’s eyebrows. Walken’s pale skintone reaching my face as my ears flattened as they became Walken’s ears, my hearing increasing tenfold.
My eyes turned from hazel brown to blue with dark green inner rings as they spread out, becoming narrower and slightly sunken, making them Walken’s eyes. I was looking more and more Walken-like by the minute.
In addition to this my forehead tingled slightly as it elevated itself to be higher up, making it look more like Walken’s forehead. My ever-changing Walken-like features made me look more hypnotic in some way, very elegant mind you.
In the process my nose altered to resemble Walken’s nose as my jaw-line shifted to become more angular, causing my chin to narrow out slightly. I now had Walken’s eyes, chin, jawline, nose, and forehead, I looked more Walken-like than human, and I was thinking more Walken-like than before.
In addition to this my lips thinned a little, my mouth curving into a cresentian shape with pointed tips, curving my expression into a pseudo-grimace as my cheeks became slightly sunken, and my cheekbones became sharper and more pronounced, looking as sharp as my knuckles.
The facial structure was now shifting to be more brachy-ian/mesoian in shape, looking more Walken-like. I now looked completely like Christopher Walken, even right down to having the same facial structure.
Of course this wasn’t the last part of the transformation, my voice was next as it deepened, growing lower and deeper, also altering to become gravellier, more distinctive, and more hypnotic in tone.
In addition to this it was warping and harmonizing until it was Walken’s voice, even right down to the signature vocal tone, delivery and New York accent. I now had Christopher Walken’s voice to match with the appearance.
But the final part of the process was where my mind finally shifted, all of my thoughts and memories now being replaced by all the thoughts and memories of being a Ronald Walken or Christopher as I was now mostly commonly called, I prefered to be called Chris though. Ah yes, Chris Walken - a very fine name indeed. My transformation was now complete and I was Chris Walken.
“This is so wonderful. I’ve always wanted to be Walken!”
“And now your dream has come true.”
“Only one question remains though...who sent me this?”
Just then a humanoid demon-like messenger appeared before me, holding out a message bag of sorts - one of the messages was for me, it had the words For C.W on it, in blood red ink.
“Message from the Prince of Darkness, sir.”
“Very good..let's see!”
The messenger opened up the demon mail-bag and within seconds, the Prince Of Darkness himself materialized in front of me, revealing himself to be Jack Nicholson - looking like his demonic charismatic ‘Witches Of Eastwick’ character Daryl.
“Chris, my man. Congratulations on receiving your gift and getting in touch with your dark side. I’m very impressed!”
“Thanks, Jack - coming from you, that means a lot.”
“No problem, Chris. It was the least I could do after you hypnotized the local arena crew-men to give me tickets to the Lakers game!”
“No trouble at all, Jack. Btw...have you seen that meme in which you’re a crab having an extreme sleepover?”
“Yep. Sure have. Whoever invented that has a wicked sense of humour!”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“By the way, I love that video of you dancing in a hotel, oh and the supercut of you dancing is amazing. I’d hate to say it, but you’re even better than I am!”
“You mean it?”
“Oh hell yes!”
Nicholson flashed his signature trademark smile at me as I flashed my sly Walken smile back at him, nodding in approval. Here we were, Walken and Nicholson, two legendary creepy badass actors in the exact same room, just generally chatting and having a little bit of fun.
“You know I never thought I would enjoy this but now I do, I love being Walken! I just wish there was a way it could keep happening.”
“Oh, believe me...it will. If I know anything about you, Chris, it’s that over-time, you will become even more fascinated by this aspect.”
“Really?”
“Oh you betcha! And I have no doubt you will enjoy it! I hope you’ll send more more messages regarding your progress, I really enjoyed reading those!”
“Oh, I will. Say, wanna go hunting together?”
“Sounds good, my man. But i’m kind of got a full schedule. I’m off to go and frighten tourists at the Overlook Hotel!”
“See yaaa!”
With that, Nicholson turned into a Cheshire Cat and slowly but surely disappeared but not before leaving his signature smile as the only trace of his face. Later, he reappeared, manifesting himself at the entrance of the Overlook Hotel.
As for me, I grew to really enjoy being Christopher Walken, later on I became friends with Jon and Eliza who taught me how to embrace my Walken side even further. I guess it’s not scary being Walken after all.
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