Pufferfish Coping Methods

 Corey and Oats in

Pufferfish Coping Methods

Piff's NOTE:  My owner is not in the best of moods right now due to the internet shorting out for no reason and because I don't want her to turn into a monster and kill innocent people over the loss of the internet, I have asked if I can narrate this story instead and I was granted this wish.

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Everybody knows of my friends Corey and Oats and knows about me,  I am Piff and welcome to a very not quite the norm edition of one of those stories, unfortunately due to the usual internet service not connecting me and the others I cannot  tell this story in the unusual way so I have resorted to using what my owner considers a 'prehistoric' form of story writing known as using 'Notepad' to write this and I am not exactly pleased either,  I mean yeah under any normal circumstance this ordeal would easily be fixable and not much of a big deal but my owner Mel is known for having mutant transformation abilities brought on by how she's feeling.  So please excuse the terrible format of this adventure, things will hopefully get better.

It all started with all things the gang including myself getting ready for a big adventure, well we had just had a nice morning and a nice lunch but there was a major internet problem and my owner was getting irritated. 'Screw this crap, why does this keep happening? Does Nile Road ALWAYS have terrible internet connection problems or something?'  Mel screamed as she shook Hyacinth and started to lose her temper.  'No, Nile Road does not usually have embarrassingly bad internet problems, why?'  'Well today it has and for no reason, why does this keep happening? Whoever keeps missing with the cable that is needed for connecting to the internet, they are going to pay!'  She screamed as she writhed around on the ground, snarling in a feral manner. 'Mel, beloved owner...don't do this. You know you scare me when you turn into a monster.'  'I know but I cannot help it, the loss of the internet does this to me, can't THEY NOT SEE I AM SUFFERING?'

I looked in her eyes and saw things were not going to get so well...'Guys, Mel is about to lose control, please help me calm her down.'  'I have been trying to keep mommy calm but it's no use.'  'What do you mean it's no use?'  'Well we've tried coloring and we just did that, and I don't think tv will help.'  'What about reading?'  'Nobody reads physical books any more, not since Kindle and other services where you can read books online were created.'  'Are you saying no one reads physical books any more?'  'Yeah.'  'But my beloved owner had lots of books that she has read, how can you be silly as to say physical books do not exist any more?' 

"It doesn't matter,  we need to help."

"But it's not like those are going to help anyway,  she's starting to lose control."

Mel groaned as she started snarling and kicking at the ground in the same way a horse does before charging towards Oats and the others, knocking them over.  'Hey,  that's not nice mommy.'  'I know Oats but this is what losing the internet does to me, it brings out a side in me that nobody wants to see.'  I swam over and tried to calm Mel down, knowing that my cheeky pufferfish antics would be enough to make her feel better, I told her some jokes and did my signature funny fish impersonations - because I knew those would make her laugh, which it did, but it was not enough to prevent her from going into her 'dark/violent' mood.

She thought about how she'd like to see everyone else suffer the same problem as her as she imagined herself murdering every single other internet user that lived within the Nile Road,  a creepy looking grin materializing on her face as she did so. 'If I CANNOT have the internet, NO ONE CAN!' she exclaimed as she laughed manically, imagining all of the other internet users being brutally killed off like in a slasher movie, their organs and blood spilling out all over the floor.  'Wow beloved owner, that's horrible. Why are you imagining all of this, it's just the internet going out, it's nothing worth murdering people over.'  'Piff you don't understand, this is the internet, this is how we go into the online universes, without it, there is nothing.'

'Are you saying Hyacinth is nothing without her online realm travelling powers?'  'Well not really.'  'But you implied Hyacinth is nothing without that ability when she has tons of powers that she uses.'  'Besides it is not like we cannot use the realm portal spells from your spellbook or anything.'  'I know but ugh screw this, I am not going to let this drive me to boredom. I'm getting bored of this and you will not like me when I am bored.'

Mel's eyes gave off an eerie glow as they turned from their normal colour to a piercing golden yellow colour and her top slowly began to tear as she started to expand and grow muscles on her body starting with her chest, torso and arms as she slowly started to bulk up, and her fingernails lengthened, taking on the appearance of being akin to crooked claws as she snarled...'Spark internet people make Mel mad, Mel hate bad Spark internet people, bad people make internet go away,  Mel get mad!'  in a feral and almost monster-like way.

She groaned as she tried to control both her mutation and her anger but the anger was getting to her as she groaned and growled like she was being possessed by a demon, she convulsed horribly as all sorts of grotesque transformation noises emitted from her...'Oops.'  'Piff, did you activate the grotesque horror movie transformation sound effects spell again?' I did not mean to activate the sound effects spell I was trying my best to find a spell to make her feel better, she liked fish  'I thought that was the soothing ocean sounds spell.'  'Piff, why are you not very careful with magic, why are you so careless with magic?'  'Guys, stop saying i'm bad at magic. I'm good at it, I  make mistakes.'  Mel growled as she shot up in height and she let out a fierce growling,  her hair becoming wilder and more messier looking as her eyes turned from brown to blood red, she let loose a piercing roar as two spikey horns grew out of her head,  her posture converting to a slightly more monster-like one akin to an 80s movie monster as her teeth sharpened, she hissed menacingly as she thrashed on her bed, snarling and fuelling her hatred as she gave in,  the 'Mel' that normally would not lose control of herself and normally wouldn't hurt others was corrupted by anger and the idea of getting vengeance on whoever or whatever was keeping her from going online, she scratched with the curtains with her claw-llike fingernails, acting more like a wild savage monster than the Mel everyone loved.

'Are you in there, mom?'  Oats asked. 'The Mel you love is gone.' 'No it's not, I know you are in there.'  I floated up to her and attempted to get her to calm down but it was no use, the monster that was once Mel found herself wanting more and more to get revenge on whoever and whatever was causing her not to get online, she groaned, she writhed, she hissed, she kicked on the bed, hissing and eventually deciding to break loose, she jumped through the city. 'Guys, she just went berserk.'   'I know, this always happens when she is pissed off and can't control herself.'

Mel roared ferociously as she picked up cars and lamps and threw them across the room with inhuman strength...she charged over to the nearest Spark internet provider service building and roared, barging down the door. 'YOU SPARK SERVICE PEOPLE MAKE MEL MAD! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME YOU HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A SERVICE? I DID NOT DESERVE THIS. I DID NOT DESERVE THE INTERNET TO NOT WORK ON ME, YOU DID THIS TO ME. SPARK BAD, SPARK MAKE ME MAD!', she snarled and disembowed several spark employees,   removing their insides and making them form a blood trail on the floor.  I watched from the window of our home, watching in horror as this monster that was once my owner slaughtered those people, killing them off one by one like In a slasher movie, even using some of their insides to decorate the floor.

This monster that was once my owner was killing off these people that likely did not do anything wrong and it was horrifying, Tangie had to cover her eyes during this scene: 'I cannot watch this, Piffikins.'  'Don't worry Tangie, it will be over soon.'  Mel roared and unleashed her wrathful revenge against the Spark employees, killing them off one by one, she grabbed one by the neck and snarled...'Please don't hurt me, please don't kill me, I have a family.' 'Your family will not miss you.'  She grabbed the employee by the  neck and slit their neck with her claw-like fingers before severing their head...'We're sorry to announce that your head has been disconnected, bitch!' Mel quipped in a Freddy Krueger-like manner.

I decided to take action as I summoned the gang over to the lounge and we activated a teleportation portal and jumped though it, arriving at where my owner was rampaging at, Aiyido the beholder used a detection eye ray to spot her as I floated over with Tangie. 'Beloved owner, this is not how you normally are, this is not you, this is some mindless monster that has replaced her. I want my owner back, I want her back, not this monster, stop it.' I cried, trying to give her a healing hug to make things better.  'Sorry but Spark must pay and pay they will, in their own blood.'  'This is not how you should be, I mean you're turning what should be no big deal into a flat out horror movie.  You are out of control,  please stop.'  'I'm sorry Piff but unless they fix it i'm going to be fixing THEM instead.  And even if it gets me in trouble, I am slaughtering every single person in here until I get it back.'  'But these are people with families and people that they care about, they will miss them.'  'Well they're going to have to GIVE something back to me if they don't want me to take from them.'

I floated up and tried to convince Mel not to attack these innocent people, telling them about how they had families and people that loved them. ‘You know Piff, you’re right.’  ‘I am?’  ‘In the alternate version of this I would have gone full blown psycho over this but I realize I made a big deal out of it for nothing.’  ‘Yeah. Come on, let me help to get better.’

I gave Mel a hug and told her it was okay, making my signature funny fish faces this time made her laugh so much that she could not stop giggling and she returned to normal being a monster…’Guys, i’m sorry.’  ‘That’s alright, at least in this version you are better.’ ‘So what do we do?’

I used some magic to undo every bit of damage my owner had caused before Mel decided to leave along with the rest of the gang, which of course activated my fake ending credits gag as we all floated out of the building and all the way back to Nile Road,  I knew that the staff was worried for Mel and probably were missing her.

When we arrived back at Nile Road, I placed Mel in the bedroom for a bit and smiled as I hugged her and reversed the end credits.  ‘There we go, all better.’  ‘I am sorry I acted like that guys, that was not very nice of me.’  ‘No it was not, but luckily I came to help’, we all had afternoon tea and I hugged her, telling her it was going to be okay.

‘Oh Piff, you’re the best.’  I guided her into the lounge and hugged her and I decided to help make dinner, as I made all sorts of yummy food for us all to eat for dinner and after dinner we relaxed before I took Tangie and Hangyodon on a fishing trip - even without online portals, I could still take my beloved fish wifey fishing.

This was followed by a game and karaoke session and even a special play session, Corey put on his bat pajamas and Oats put on his princess nightgown.  We all did a relaxation session together including activities like bathbomb sniffing, ASMR, imagination sessions and Guess The Bathbomb Scent as we all brushed our teeth.

I activated the closedown sequence featuring the animated fish couple going through a magical animated fish maze as the color pallet shifted from day to night as the goodnight message appeared on screen.   The gang all hurried into the bedroom as I floated into bed and kissed Tangie and gave the goodnight speech which was: ‘Sometimes we all get bad days and those days bring out the worst in us as it did to my owner today, and I was able to help remedy that by being the best fish friend ever.  Goodnight everyone.’

Anglo turned off the light as we all drifted off to sleep and had sweet dreams including me and Tangie as our adventure had ended but more are coming up soon so stay tuned.

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Piff’s NOTES: Thank you so very much for enjoying this story that my owner asked me to narrate -  my owner had internet trouble and had trouble expressing this in a story because she did not to be accused of bullying other people and I just want to mention that we mean absolutely no ill will to the people that make the internet possible in the first place, this is just a story.  My owner is very melodramatic and super silly,  I mean imagine thinking Hyacinth’s only power that we ever use of hers is the online universe portal spell.