To-Mato or Not To-mato.

 To-Mato or Not To-Mato

Tara Boumdeay TG.

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Nature can be wonderful and sometimes it can be horrifying, as the many monstrous fish in the deep seas can tell you, but you don’t need to even leave your own home to find mysterious and unusual creatures, as the case of today’s story of scariness will show you. You know what a tomato is, we see them every day in the supermarket, nothing special about them, right? Just fruit...despite others claims that they are vegetables, they are fruit. You wouldn’t think that a simple fruit that you have in everything including salads would make for a good subject for a horror story but allow me to tell you what your teachers and health instructors didn’t tell you, you see...there was a time that tomatoes were considered ‘evil’, back in the middle ages, there was a superstition set around tomatoes, basically the superstition was that if you ate one you’d likely turn into a werewolf, and that’s something all those were-movies and shows haven’t seemed to talk about. Or you would be suspected of witchcraft.

This is no mere joke made to make you feel afraid of eating tomatoes, and no this is isn’t one of those contrived fics you see almost everyday that is a TG fic, well...okay it is a TG fic you’re about to hear but it is not a contrived fic that doesn’t make a lick of sense unless you’ve read the author’s previous works and it is not a pseudo-revenge-fic made to make fun of someone who blocked someone else online, besides...there are worse people than that. But if you are looking for something with deep critical meaning, well...unfortunately this isn’t for you, this is a horror story where supernatural creatures exist with humans and weird stuff happens, weird is weird, you don’t need a better answer than that. That fact I just mentioned above is something that is 100% accu-rat to the actual superstition itself. So it back, relax and enjoy a little tale I call ‘Tomato or Not To-Mato’.

Paulie Tamorson was a friend of Nathan’s, he was a bit of an odd cat with his short hair that was a brownish color and his tendency to make a lot of jokey comments, he was the class clown for numerous reasons, and he was always viewed as weird by the others. But that didn’t stop him, he enjoyed being that way. He was hired by Eucalyptus the mad scientist koala-girl to help take care of her plants and before you say that ‘oh this is just an attempt at tempting fate, we know he’s going to get bitten by the plant and turn into a plant-monster and this is going to likely be a nod to a fic or Simpsons episode’, look, this is my story and not yours, if you want to complain, do it when it’s something more serious. Besides sometimes it doesn’t make sense to even try to make sense, I mean that’s why it is called fiction. Besides, who the hell cares if it’s tempting fate? You should be aware of this trope by now.

This is just turn-your-brain-off fun after all, if you’re going to bring up the cursed Ash Williams action figure episode that episode was a What If episode and not an actual episode of this show, so please let’s get back to the story. Paulie was looking around the garden where the koala-girl mad scientist...oops I mean eccentric scientist, worked, and he immediately took a liking to her work. ‘Eukie, you’ve got some amazing plants.’ ‘Thank you, now before I talk about what I know you’re here for I must tell you about this project.’

“What project?”

“The tomato-mutant project.”

“Ah yes, the one that was described in the booklet.”

He blushed a little, he didn’t remember much about the booklet but he remembered something about the job description mentioning ‘mutant plants’ or ‘plant-human-hybrids’ as if it was a combined Doctor Moreau and Pamela Isley experiment, He looked around as Eucalyptus presented him with a tomato plant-creature she had made in her lab, she looked at him with a smile as she examined the plant.

“So what kind of tomato plant is this?”

“A super-tomato-plant of course, the tomatoes never go stale.”

Paulie sniffed the plant for a few seconds but as he did, some of the tomato juice sprayed on him and onto his shirt, the juice also seeped into his skin which lost imperfections and became smoother as his arms lengthened, his hands shrunk as his fingernails lengthened. ‘Hey..is this like in your show?’ ‘ Why yes, and i’m not just saying it because it will help you adjust.’ He always wanted to be a part of these episodes, it was his lifelong dream to be a guest star and he was now living that dream. His chest and torso slimmed down as a pair of round formations slowly developed on the former, blossoming outward into what were commonly known as breasts, he giggled and he examined these…’so that’s why half of the guys I know like TG TFs so much.’

“Well there’s many reasons, but we know which ones they like most.”

His changing appearance proved to be endlessly fascinating as his legs lengthened and his feet shrank, while his clothing changed into a red tank top and leggings to match while his privates retracted, this didn’t alarm him and he could easily understand why half of the guys he worked with liked TG in fiction. His shoulders shrank while his back arched and his neckline altered, his brown hair growing longer and lightning until it was blonde. His hair lengthened as his eyebrows thinned and his eyes widened, eyelashes blossoming around them, he didn’t question this because he actually wanted this to happen. His nose shrank as his cheekbones sharpened and his features softened, his lips plumping up as his features feminized, he examined his face as it morphed and reshaped, feminizing, until he recognized the features he now sported...he looked like he could be a doppelganger for the actress Karen Mistal who played the tomato-girl Tara from Return Of The Killer Tomatoes. He examined his face a few more times as his voice elevated in pitch and tone, feminizing along with his voice and taking on the familiar voice of Tara herself as the transformation completed, he or rather ‘she’ felt like she identified as a woman, granted a tomato that was turned human, but still a woman. ‘Sorry about that…’ ‘Oh no, it’s no big deal.’

Eucalyptus looked over at Tara, the tomato-woman blushed...luckily now that the boys she had hung out with had made it so she could be her human self without worrying about turning into her tomato form, she had nothing to worry about. She hugged Eucalyptus. ‘Now about the tomato plants..I was wondering if I could help these baby tomatoes? I’ve always wanted to have some siblings.’

“Sure…”

The koala-girl used a serum to turn a group of tomatoes into some kids for Tara to look after and take care of, and it wasn’t long until Tara became a natural at looking after them. She decided that becoming a garden helper was the best career decision she had ever made…’Definitely much better than serving Professor Gangreen.’ ‘There’s no doubt that it definitely is.’ ‘I can’t wait to show my new brothers around and introduce them to my friends.’ ‘Just make sure they avoid those vampire tomato brothers though.’ ‘They’ll be safe with me.’

“That’s good to know.”

“I’ll be the best older sibling ever.”

“I have no doubt that you will.”

And thus with that, Tara began her new career not only as a garden helper but also as a caretaker for her new siblings who were human/tomato-person hybrid children, most of them were boys who she treated like her little siblings and she went everywhere with them, she had definitely gotten what she wanted and enjoyed it. And now all her friends got to hear about it too, she had learned that despite how odd and quirky Eucalyptus came across when she first met her, that she really meant well even though there were moments in which she did think that she got carried away, but she didn’t mind.

Thus brings us to the little ending of this tale, sometimes you don’t need a bunch of tact-on jokes that only the author’s fans would get in order to tell the story, sometimes you don’t even need a reason, the best stories are...pardon the pun, home-grown. And that is of course where the story or ‘episode’ you just have been looking at comes in. And yes, you have been educated about tomatoes in today’s story, and not only was the superstition about eating tomatoes and werewolves in the 15th century a real superstition, but it was indeed...100% accu-rat.

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