WB Rants: Animal Guys.

 Werebelushi:

I have one major question about the gooey-universe, if most of the inhabitants are Disney animal characters why are they referred to as 'furry' characters if they're just non-morphic animals? I mean no Zootopia characters?  The only anthro characters are the Robin Hood characters?  Yeah what are Baloo and Baghera doing there? They're non-morphic talking animals, they don't belong since they're not 'furry' characters.  Furry characters are animal characters who are humanoid.  These are just talking animals, there's a difference. Also what are Rama and Raksha doing there? They're non-morphic too. I mean you have the Sheriff of Nottingham, coudn't you just make these two anthro like he is?  Also what is Sulley doing there?  He's not even an animal, he's a monster which is a mythical creature, yes he's the only bipedal character in this universe but still he doesn't count.  So I already talked about how much I hate how Queen Ellinor treated AU Nathan in that universe, basically she acted like he was being rude to him.  He wasn't, he was simply stating that he hated having to be a bear and I agree since well...how do I put this? In terms of animal tfs bears are overdone in my opinion and very much a 'nothing' species, I mean all they do is eat and hibernate, humans do that all the time too. You know what other animal does that apart from bears?  Cats, cats love to eat and sleep sometimes, sometimes more than humans. 

Look I don't care if the law of that universe says whatever animal you came in contact with is the one the goop dictates what form it takes on,  I don't want to be stuck as a boring bear for all eternity, you might as well as just have turned Nathan into a koala.  Also can we talk about how creepy the incest angle was with Sulley and Simba?  Seriously what is with those two in this universe?  You do know that Nathan was your surrogate son in that universe, right Sulley? Because this is out of character for you. Look, Nathan doesn't want to end up with an oedipus complex so how about no.  Also gee Simba, thanks for reminding me of how real male lions are, you incestous bastard. Thanks, I hate it.  Also the forced meet cute in the Baloo one, how about no to that too?  Look couldn't have at least given Nathan some time to adjust to being a gooey-bear-freak, you didn't need to force this random she-bear on him, especially since he doesn't love her back. 

 Also look I am not kinkshaming but can we please stop simping over non-morphic animal characters?  I am sorry but there's nothing sexy about any of the Madagascar animals especially not Gloria, she's a nothing character apart from the fact she talks like a sassy Blaxsploitation actress and the fact she is thicc and has a large ass. I am sick of animal characters being sexualized like this. Gloria is very much sexualized in all three Madagascar movies, for pete's sake her disguise just consists of a seaweed wig, two starfish covering her chest and a crab covering her lower region, in the second movie the only reason Gloria gets hit on by Moto Moto is because she's thicc like he is and has a big butt.  In the third movie there's a whole scene of her trying to fit in a canon or something like that and we get to see her ass, yep...*sarcastically* Yes, because if there is one thing I wanted to see, it's Gloria's ass in 3D.  Seriously, all of the jokes relating to Gloria make use of her body and her ass, she is pretty much the Kim Kardashian of animated animal characters, all she is famous for her is her ass and nothing more.  I am not attracted to her and never will be. Besides, she has a boyfriend.  Look I don't think any of the Jungle Book animals are sexy, I don't have the hots for Simba or Nala, I don't have the hots for Louis and I especially only allow Louis the Alligator to be involved if I can use my headcanon version of him, in my headcanon he used to be human, since that was how he was originally written before it was changed for the final product.  I have to ask how come Queen Ellinor cannot speak as a bear yet retains her human intellegience, which if she didn't have it...she'd be no different than other non-morphic bear characters that can't talk.  Did the witch's spell specifically say 'you'll be turned into a non-morphic animal that cannot talk but you'll keep your human intelligence and thoughts'? Also what about the Brother Bear animals?  Kenai I can understand being able to talk even though it's questionable why the humans only hear bear noises when he is in bear form, but how come the other animals can talk too?  I know talking non-morphic animal forms is a thing with animated movies, but there's a reason Pocahontas didn't have Meeko and Flit and Percy talk.  How come Tug and the other non-morphic animals can speak in English? Yes, Gloria is proud of her body, but that doesn't make her empowered/empowering, since she is very much objectified in all 3 movies.

I freaking think that having a largely built animal character in animated movies who solely just has one character trait and that's their weight being the butt of the joke both figuratively and literally, it's demeaning, i'm a heavy-set character myself and I personally think that Norm from the North is the worst animated character ever due to all he does is dance and shake his ass, it was bad enough seeing Miley twerk, I didn't need to see a freaking bear version of it.  All these characters just scream 'kids like butt jokes, right? Let's make a character whose sole character trait is their butt, so kids will think that character is hillarious and some weirdos online will do questionable fetishy fan-art of them'.  Look at all the overweight characters in my favorites, none of them are the butt of the joke in any way shape or form.

Also I can't stand lovey-dovey characters or lovey-dovey types, all that 'little one' crap makes me sick and makes me want to berate whatever monster calls the person that, especially if it's an adult, like I DON'T care if you're a freakishly largely built monster, calling me little one is hypocritical and you deserve to get your ass kicked for it. Also here's the thing, all snuggly and lovey dovey stuff is stuff I can only tolerate doing for a short while, I can only do so much of that stuff without feeling like i'm going to go all Regan Macneal all over the floor, and I don't like lovey-dovey types anyway, all that napping, sleeping, kissing and hugging, ick.  All these characters are the same, overly affectionate, squishy and needy, very needy. We already have someone who acts like an overly affectionate needy puffball and that's James's Corden, i'm sorry but if you're not going to do anything than hug, then get out of my show, get out of my universe, get out of my car and get out of my life. Nathan and I are complicated, we don't like being forced to love someone especially if we don't love that person or monster back, i'm sorry ladies, but Nathan only dates humanoid or anthro women and not non-morphic animal characters.  He cannot feel love, and that is it. It will take more than hugs and massages to make him feel better and the same goes for me.

Look I know i'm a sex machine despite being an aggressive loudmouth on my show, but I don't date any old female character that comes my way, only humanoid characters or half-humanoid ones will do.  I'm just saying dear those who simp over non-morphic animal characters, why?  What's wrong with you? And fyi, Dum from Sheep N Wolves and Dolph from 100% Wolf are just himbos in canine form.  I guess much like Julie Brown, some people do like em big and stupid.